Christmas 2011

This Christmas was spent at my parents house.  It was just the four of us, Mom, Dad, Cairo and myself.  I baked a ham, we had some salads for sides and we watched holiday movies and cartoons.  Cairo and I spent the night so we could all keep each other company.  It was a very low key holiday this year.  We didn't make tamales and we didn't play games.  We didn't dress up or play holiday music.  I'm surprised how hard it was on me.  Thanksgiving was also low key but my mind was kept off of things...Christmas, on the other hand, was a bit harder to deal with, maybe because it's been almost 9 months since he's been gone.  Even when Jose and I were separated, we found ourselves together for Christmas.  This is the first and hopefully last Christmas we spend apart.

Cairo and I drove out to see him on Christmas morning.  I didn't know if they were going to allow visitations, but we drove out anyway.  I was thankful to see that they did and we were in the first group.  It was great seeing his smiling face.  I wanted to cry, having to say Feliz Navidad through a video screen.  Cairo was happy to see his dad but he got very upset after a while.  It was to be expected.  We have court coming up soon after the new year.  I'm hoping we'll have good news then.

Jose seems to be in better spirits.  He's sounding more calm and is ready for what ever may come our way.  I'm off this week so I'm enjoying hanging out with Cairo and watching him play and be a kid.  I just wish Jose can see him.  Cairo has grown so much and is such a funny little guy.  Hopefully next year will be a much better one filled with blessings.  

Attorney number 3 ?

As some may know and many others may not know, if you plead guilty to a crime, regardless of how minor, and you are a none U.S. Citizen you will be deported and exiled from the country, because it is a "conviction" under immigration law.  In some cases people are told to plead guilty because it is the easy way out and they will not serve time.  Which may be a great deal for a U.S. Citizen but if you are not, it can have dire consequences in the future.  People who are none Citizens are served a double punishment, the one that is dished for the crime and the other dished by immigration.  This means that a U.S. Permanent Resident, who has been in the country for 15 years and pleads guilty to petty theft, like stealing a snickers bar from a convenient store, or for a traffic violation, or possession of a minimal amount of a drug, this would get misdemeanor charges or very minor felony charges but then after pleading guilty they would be deported and barred from ever re-entering the country.  This seems extremely harsh form something so minor, but it is the reality of what many none Citizens are facing.  This page pretty much describes it better than I ever can.

The good news is by law a none Citizen must be advised of the immigration consequences before entering a plea of guilty, otherwise it is a violation of their rights and in many, if not all, states you are allowed to go back and have your case reviewed so that if your rights were violated and you can prove that if you would have plead not guilty the outcome of the case would have been different you can fix it and remove the conviction.  The bad news is most people don't even know their rights were violated until they are picked up by immigration years after the fact which isn't a problem in some states but if you live in Illinois like we do, it is a major problem.  In Illinois, the only way you can go back and have your case reviewed for rights violations or for a judge to have jurisdiction to review it is if you fall under one of the following:

1. If you are on probation for the crime in question
2. If you are on parole for the crime in question
3. If you are in state custody for the crime in question

Considering that most people do not find out about the immigration consequences until they are arrested by immigration officers which can be years later, many none Citizens are facing deportation and are blocked from any type of relief.  So it doesn't matter if they are married to U.S. Citizens or have U.S. Citizen children or if they served in the military or how long they have been in the country, they will be deported and barred from the country.

This is what we are facing.  Jose is not going to get a 10-20 year punishment, he's going to be exiled and even though he's been in the country for 17 years and he has a U.S. Citizen wife and child, he has no way to fight his case.  Even though he pleaded guilty to a minor charge he will be exiled because it's been six years since he pleaded guilty and he doesn't fall under the requirements to have his case reviewed. I've sent letters to the States Attorneys Office, I've actually gotten a response but even though they are sympathetic, they refuse to help us. 

Last week I was present at the Chicago Bar Association Legislative Committee meeting.  I was invited by Mr. Little B because he and another attorney were presenting an amendment they want to make to Illinois law that would allow anyone to come back at have their cases reviewed if their rights have been violated regardless of when they find out about it.  As it is now, someone who has been sitting in prison for 18 years on a 20 year sentence can have their cases reviewed but someone who as has completed a 5 year sentence can not.  The change would not mean that these cases would be thrown out, it would just allow them to be heard in the first place.  This amendment would greatly help Jose but I don't if it will be in time.  After this meeting I stopped by to see Mr. L. and asked him about Joses other case.  He basically said that we are facing a brick wall and he didn't want to try to get our case reviewed because we'd be blocked right away because of the jurisdiction issue.

This is where attorney number 3 comes in, that will be a total of 4 attorneys working on Jose's case.  Criminal and Immigration wise, not to mention the countless I spoke to before I hired anyone.   I spoke with Mr. Little B. shortly after talking to Mr. L.  He basically said to get a second opinion and he referred me to another criminal attorney, let's call him Mr. R. .  I told him I don't know how speaking to another attorney will change the current laws.  His response was: just like you get a second opinion for a health issue you get one for a legal issue, call him.  So I called, the consultation is free.  The attorney he's referred me to has been successful at these cases, as a matter a fact he recently won a very similar case not too long ago.  This kind of gives me a little more hope.  I've sent him all the relevant documents over the weekend but I have not heard from him yet.   I called him earlier today but he was not available.  I'm crossing my fingers that something good will come of this.  Wish us luck!

8 months

So now it's been 8 months since Jose has been detained.  I don't have any major updates on either case.  Our attorney is working on trying to get the state to help us vacate Jose's old case.  Meanwhile I've been working with immigrant groups.  I was invited to the Chicago Bar Association Human Rights Committee meeting last month to tell our story and what mandatory detention is doing to our family.  I think I did an ok job.  Everyone looked kinda depressed when I was done.

Jose's next immigration court date is Jan 11.  I went to see him yesterday, he had asked not to take Cairo because Cairo gets angry and doesn't talk to him or let me talk to him, so we decided that I'd take him every other week for now.  The focus of our conversation this time was planning out what to pack up for Jose if he is deported.  He requested I buy him some cloths, shoes and money to take to him that day.  It was like I was stabbing myself every time I said "si....si....si".  He's right, we have to be prepared for the worst and the worst is that he will be deported and forever be banned from the country.  What would happen after that? I don't know.  My Aunt is here visiting from Mexico and to be quite honest she's freaking me out.  If we were to move to Mexico, our option is Monterrey.  That is where all my family is, it's a big city (unlike where Jose is from) and we'd be able to find work...we hope...and the quality of life would not be too dramatic.  Of course it will be different, there's no denying that, but the roads are paved, there are grocery stores and schools and we'd have a washer and dryer somewhere.

Cairos anxiety is getting worse.  He's started to draw blood from ripping his nails off.  I've given him paper to tear and my friend is getting a bunch of anxiety balls for him but the paper is not helping.  When ever he's idle, in between choosing what toy to play with or watching TV or in the bathroom, he's there ripping his nails off.  I was hoping going to therapy and finally being able to see Jose would slow it down but it hasn't.  Cairo is just as angry as he was in the beginning.  He actually yelled at Jose the last time we went to see him.

I keep planning out in my head what our options are to live in Mexico.  I am not fond of what is going on down there now.  My family has quite frankly freaked me out. If we move, we'd be moving to Monterrey.  10 years ago I would have been all gun hoe about moving but now, I must admit, I'm concerned.  Jose would stay there with my family. We figure there will be a better opportunity for him to find a job there, in the big city rather than in the dirt road rancho he's from...but then what?  I know it's all doable but I'm a planner and a thinker, it sucks because that holds me back sometimes.  Will he and I be able to find jobs?  Should we try setting up a business?  What kind of business?  Will we make enough to give Cairo a decent life?  What about Cairos school?  What about the violence?  Is it really that bad?  Where would we live?  What if we have more kids?  How will Cairo deal with the change?   How long will it take for us to sell the house and move? I go over these things, over and over again....I compare my job now, where I make a decent living and have benefits, to ...... what?

I'm scared.  I'm scared of the unknown and not knowing what direction this is all going.

I'm Mexican

I thought this comment is worthy of it's own space.  When I drove to the McHenry County prison last week to sign the paperwork for the marriage license and all I noticed at the bottom of the marriage application were two questions:

1. Is the Groom MEXICAN? ___ Yes ___ No
2. Is the Bride MEXICAN?   ___ Yes ___ No

Both were checked at 'Yes'.  Now, I know I've been a little touchy about Latinoism and discrimination lately....ok let's face it, I've been a lot touchy...but I thought this was an odd question.  I probably wouldn't have noticed if the application had perhaps something like:

1. Is the Groom  ___ Mexican  ___ Chinese ___ Irish  etc...  ?
2. Is the Bride     ___ Mexican  ___ Chinese ___ Irish  etc...  ?

But it didn't.  It specifically asked if either or both of us were Mexican, yes or no.  I have no problem being "Mexican", I'm Mexican-American, there's no denying it....but considering that I was born and raised in the U.S. making me a I don't know, U.S. Citizen AKA American. I just thought it was odd. To be honest I thought there was some sort of confusion and honestly the last thing I need right now is for someone to question my citizenship.  I asked the woman at the counter why it was checked off for both of us as "Yes".  She responded because our parents are Mexican born, and that the info is used only for statistical purposes.

Hmmm....Ok, here are my thoughts on that.  If it's because our/my parents were born in Mexico then why isn't the question "Is the Groom/Bride of Mexican Descent?".  Why the hell do they only care about "Mexicans" getting married in their pokey, middle of nowhere county? So if I'm "Mexican" because my parents were born in Mexico, is Cairo the only "American" in my household because his mom (AKA me the Mexican) was born in the U.S. ?

We got hitched!

My sister-in-law, Cairo and I drove early morning on Saturday to the detention center where Jose is currently being housed.  We were supposed to be there by 8am and arrived about a half hour early.  We were informed that it would be a while since the Judge had to look at 19 cases before we would be up in front of him.  I asked 3 different officers if they would let Cairo in with me, I was denied 3 times.  To there credit they seemed really sorry for denying the request, I understand rules are rules and they have to follow orders.

It was finally our turn, an officer came and got us.  Cairo and my sister-in-law would be allowed to watch the ceremony from another room through a window.  I walked in and saw my Gordo in his orange jump suit.  The first thing I asked was if I could hug him and I just grabbed him before they could even respond 'Yes'. Tears just came flowing and all I could do was pray that moment would last forever.  The Judge told us to hold hands and the ceremony began.  For some reason the words coming from the Judge had much more meaning and I hung on every word as we squeezed each others hand.  Finally he told Jose to kiss the bride.  He asked us to come forward to sign our names.  We hugged good-bye and that was that.

My sister-in-law said all the officers in the room with us were smiling ear to ear, there were at least 4 standing behind us.  I think there so many because Jose was not handcuffed.  I suppose we will be the talk of the town for a bit, I can't imagine they have prison weddings very often.  We couldn't stay for visitations, they were not going to be for another 2-3 hours and my sister-in-law had to go back home.  That day my co-worker stopped by with a carrot cake :D  She was so sweet, she said "I didn't know what was appropriate, so I got you cake!".  That night Cairo and went to visit a couple friends of mine.  One made me a congrats card and the other made me a mini wedding cake!  They are so funny. Plus she brought a bottle of wine to toast.  Another friend sent a gift card.  I swear this time around we got more cake, gifts and congratulations then the first time!! I am very lucky to have friends like these.  I really wish Jose was there with us to share the cakes and wine.

The next morning Cairo and I drove out to the prison again to see Jose.  We got there about 30 minutes early, some time after noon they called his name and we both jumped up.  We were sent to a room full of monitors and video cameras.  The visitation is via video....considering you are not allowed anything into the visitation room, no jackets, phones, keys...etc..God forbid we try to sneak something through the glass most prisons have.  Any way, we sat and within moments Jose was on the screen, it was great to see him again.  There was a phone to talk through, Cairo was really excited to see his dad and Jose was really happy to see us.  It was a 30 minute visit and since there are a max of 2 people who can visit him for 30 minutes a week (total, not each), we can not go back until next Sunday and they are sticklers on this rule.  I'm just glad I can see my Gordo every week until this is all over.

His next court date is Monday the 21st.  We have not heard from anyone about the old case.  I can only pray that this gets resolved soon so Jose can finally come home.

I'm getting MARRIED!!!!!!

Just had to share :D  We're getting married this Saturday!  I have to be there at 8am which means we need to be up and on the road by 6:30am...yaaawwn...but I will be there with bells on!   I just can't wait to give my Gordo a big ol' hug and kiss!  It's going to be done in the court house and I will be taking Cairo with me.  I don't know if the judge will let Cairo see Jose, other than through a glass window O.o, but you bet that will be my primary request. Even if I give Gordo the kiss and Cairo gives the hug.

I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR SATURDAY!!!!!

7 months

Three days ago marked the 7 month mark of Jose being under mandatory detention.  The only good news I have to give is that our marriage request was approved and he's been moved closer to home, about an hour or so away from us.

Mr. Little B and I went over to ICE on Friday and talked to the officer in charge of Joses case. She tolds us we were just approved that morning.  I talked to Jose this evening and he said he has signed all the paper work needed and all I needed to do was to drive over there and pay the $30 fee and that they would be in contact with me.  So far, they have yet to call or send me anything official so I'm giving them a few more days before I go over and ask what bloody hell?  

We also requested that Jose be moved closer.  That same day we were told he would be moved on Wednesday, as in tomorrow, but he was moved yesterday, Monday.  This kinda solidifies the horror stories I've heard about people being deported days before they were told and ICE sending their family memebers on wild goose chases across the country trying to get one last good bye before they are forever ripped apart.

My cousin and her hubby have been here for about a week, they will be leaving this Friday.  In mental preparation of the possibility of moving to Monterrey I asked them what the economy is like there and how bad is it really?  They straight forwardedly said stay here.  They said if they could they would stay here themselves.  It was not the answer I was hoping for.  I was hoping for a sign of "don't worry, you guys will be ok" or "things are slowly getting better", something like that, but no that is not what I heard.  I heard that jobs are scarce and underpaid and the violence is so bad you are a prisoner in your own home.  This puts a dent in plan B, now what do I do?  I can't imagine living my life with my husband in an another country, Jose needs his son just at much as Cairo needs his dad, yet if Jose is deported there is absolutely no way of getting him back the "legal way". What are my options?  I'm at a loss, but I feel like I need to keep fighting to keep him here and to get him back especially if living in Mexico is out of the question.

Laws Shmaws & my trip to the ER

Last week Jose had court for his immigration case.  It could have gone two ways. Either the judge was going to grant yet another extension or he was going to deny it and have us enter a plea.  Thankfully he granted the extension based on the petition the other attorney submitted.  Jose has a "conviction" from six years ago, even though it's not a conviction under Illinois law it sure hells is under immigration law and would bar him from returning to the U.S. for life.  So we are trying to vacate that conviction.

Today we went to Illinois criminal court to try and get the judge to look at our case and get the ball rolling to vacate the case.  There ar laws in place that allow for this...I don't know what they are, what matters is that the attorneys do, anyway we stood in front of the judge this morning to make our case.  Mr. Little B, John & myself.  We were confident, we were within the bounds of the law, nothing fishy going on, we were asking that is within Illinois law, the law was on our side and the judge totally shot us down.  John made our case, our family is being torn apart, the consequence is hugely disporportionate to the conviction and his response was "You can appeal the decision but I'm not gonna do it".  John argued, and by argued I mean ARGUED, we were within legal right of the law. I haven't gotten the transcript yet but the judge said something a kin to he was not there follow the law. John argued some more saying something like "hellllooo we're in court, what else are we supposed to be doing?". I'll update this post with the real quotes once I get the transcripts.  We were dismissed. "You can say what you want but you will not change my mind" said the judge.  Honestly, I thought John was going to be held in contempt.  As a matter of fact, he was prepared with someone to get him out if he were to have gotten himself arrested in court.  What do we do now? I'm not sure, but when John and Mr. Little B were talking they were mustering up another plan.  Hopefully this one will have positive results.

For the last several days I've had this tightening pain in my chest.  Today I was sent to the ER by my doctors office to get checked out.  Thankfully everything checked out ok. The whole time while I was half naked in a hospital gown I kept thinking how Jose should be there with me. The tears just flowed as the nurse asked me if I had problems at home, why I was stressed, if everything is ok. I told her Jose was being deported, she said "that's stressful" and that was that.  All the tests came back good and I was free to go. The sick part was that I hoped something was wrong with me, maybe it would help Jose come home.

Detention conditions and death at the border

It was good to hear Jose's voice yesterday.  He calls on Sundays now and we can only talk for 15 minutes, they go by so fast.  What he said really concerned me.  The detention center has become over populated.  There are 70 people to a room and now there are beds in the gym, hall ways and people sleeping under stairs.  Obviously there are no bathrooms in the gyms.  The conditions there are worsening.  Jose also mentioned that two men, who were recently deported, were killed in Mexico.  I don't know the details but this scared the crap out of me. Hopefully when I talk to him next he'll be able to give me more details about that so I can relay the info to Mr. Little B.  I tried to find information online about people who were deported were killed at the border or shortly after, no luck.  Not even with Mexican news, so if anyone reading this knows of some please send the links my way?

We have court this and next Wednesday.  I'm praying for something good to happen this time.  We really need some good news.  Every time we are in court or awaiting some sort of decision I am hopeful only to be shut down by a denial or not get a response at all.  It's like the Universe is telling us to give up, all we want is for something to go our way.  Jose is tired, he's been detained for almost 7 months now.  He's far away from us and is living in really bad conditions at the center.  My son misses his father and I miss my Gordo.

Life on pause

As each day passes it feels like our lives are on pause.  The world hustles and bustles all around us.  People going here and there, living, laughing and loving.  Women are having babies, couples are getting married.  It's happy times for most.  Men and women in a rush to get their kids to school and to work on time.  Children playing in the park while their parents watch on.  The world continues to spin on it's axis.  Day and night come and go.  As life goes on for others our lives are like this misty, stagnant fog in the center.  It doesn't quite move, it lacks color and emotion.  It doesn't move forward in great leaps but moves at a crawl when forced to.

I'm envious of those people who complain about their significant others.  How I wish to have those small and meaningless arguments about laundry and whose turn it is to wash the dishes.  If only I can pick a fight with Jose about why he insists on not moving over the extra inch to place the fork inside the sink rather than next to it.  Oh what I'd give to be able to hold his hand or hear his voice at lunch time asking how to make dinner for that night.  What I wouldn't give to call him only to find out he's at the park with Cairo and they haven't done homework yet.  I do anything to be able to come home to the biggest mess in the kitchen made by him and Cairo attempting to make something they saw on T.V.

Living life without him is just not the same.  Going to bed at night, waking up the in the morning, grocery shopping, weekends at home, evenings at the park...none of it, it's just not the same without my Gordo.  So far Jose has been absent for:

• his own birthday
• the end of spring
• a first communion
• Cairos last day of kindergarten
• my brothers birthday
• my birthday
• Cairos birthday
• my sister-in-laws birthday
• a friends baby's first birthday party
• a block party
• Cairos first day of 1st grade
• Cairo joining the Cub Scouts
• all summer
• a baptism
• several school events
• the beginning of fall

He's going to miss Halloween, going to the Circus, my cousins visit and most likely Thanksgiving.  I can only pray that he's home by Christmas.  To the outside world it looks like we are care free, with out any problems.  If you take a closer look you'll see a wife and son who are, as Cairo so well put it, crying on the inside.

Our lives are on pause and I all I want to do is hit the reset button.

Cairos Burden

Every day Cairo opens my eyes to how receptive he is and how much of this situation he is bearing on his shoulders.  The things he says can be very difficult to hear.  Not too long ago it was picture day at school.  He was very angry at having to take his picture.  He kept saying he didn't want to take his picture.  I didn't really understand why he was so upset.  A couple days ago an order form, from the photographer, came home saying "It's not too late to order!!", along with it came the wadded up order form that was supposed to be sent with Cairo on picture day.  I asked Cairo why he didn't bring the first form home.  He said he didn't bring it home because he didn't want me buying pictures, pictures cost money and we need all our money for his papi to come home.  It all made sense.  Around the same time a little girl told him she's give him a dollar to cut in line.  He took the dollar and let her cut.  He came home with the dollar saying it was a good deal because we need more dollars for his papi.  Last week as we were on our way to therapy he asked me what he could do to help his papi.  I told him the most important thing he can do is pray for him to come back.  I told him it was a job that only special people can do.  These moments give me a glimpse of the enormous burden he is carrying around every day.   He's six, he shouldn't be carrying that burden, Cairo shouldn't be worried about money or his dad.  Needless to say the dollar went back to the little girl and I ordered his school pictures.

All I want to do is lift this burden from him.  The messed up part is I can carry only so much myself. 

How I predicted the future

Years ago I tried to have a conversation with Jose about his status.  I told him we had to do something about it and that I didn't want him working.  He of course brushed it all off saying it would be impossible for the government to catch every one much less deport them.  My biggest concern was for him to be rounded up somewhere or pulled over and I didn't want him driving around or in a situation where he could be arrested.  My argument at the time, and we're taking about at least 4 or 5 years ago, was it wouldn't be that difficult.  I told him there are plenty of racist people in this country, many of them in positions of power.  It would just be a matter of time before the grip would tighten and people would have no choice to migrate else where if not to their home countries.  All people had to do was require State IDs for everything.  With the passing of the Alabama law which was upheld by Judge Blackburn a whole new dynamic is hitting the state and our country.  Children have stopped going to school for fear of being deported or having one if not both of their parents deported and now it appears that even getting water services can get you deported. This is exactly what I had told Jose way back when, it was just a matter of time.  Start cutting of basic needs for lack of proper identification and people will have no choice but to hit the road.  I would like to think the Alabama law will be shut down, but in the mean time it is alive and well and it's hurting a lot of people.  Even if the federal government managed to kill the law, the damage that it has caused can not be undone.

The ignorance and racism behind this and all the other laws boggles my mind and quite frankly scares me.  I'm brown, I'm a U.S.Citizen but I'm brown.  Dark hair, brown eyes and every thing.  If I happen to go to Alabama and someone heard me speaking Spanish, I have no doubt that they'd wonder about my status.  It's sad to think that in my own country I feel unwelcome but that'ts exactly how I feel.  I'm not gonna lie, when I drove down to see Jose with my brother I was a little concerned about what we were going to experience.  We had stopped at a Steak N Shake and although the service and food was excellent, I couldn't help but notice the other customers looking at us weird.  Maybe it was just my imagination.

Alabama will never be the same after this. Those who were afraid have been ousted and those who were ready to uphold the law now have ICE on speed dial.  

6 months & counting

Today marks 6 months since Jose was arrested.  Since then so many things have happened.   Weeks after Jose was taken by ICE Governor Quinn backed out of S-Comm and recently the Cook County Sheriff also backed away from the horrible program that does little to keep communities safe.  Both decisions were too late for Jose but will, thankfully, stop other families from being separated.

As I mentioned in my previous post I sent a request to the ICE director here to get permission to marry Jose.  I hope this time it moves much faster.  I'm looking forward to being able to be in my Gordos arms even if just for a moment.  Sadly this will be a treat we will not be able to share with Cairo since he is not "needed" for the ceremony.  I'm going to try and argue him in but we'll see.  I've sent a letter to States Attorney Alvarez in hopes she will help us some how with Jose's old case.  I've decided to send that letter to Senator Durbin and the Governor.  As my friend said "what's the worse that can happen?". She's right the worst part is already here, Jose is gone and may never be able to come back.

Cairo and I are both in therapy now.  I've only been going for a couple of weeks so far.  Cairo has been going for about two months now.  He's become much more vocal about his feelings.  He's made very strong statements about how he's interpreting what is going on.  It's a good thing though because he's letting it out rather than keeping it all in.  It's just very heart breaking.

I've made an effort to be home on the weekends rather than spend the entire weekend at my parents house.  I've actually enjoyed it.  We get to accomplish alot more things at home and I noticed I'm less on edge.  I love my family but sometimes some of them are not very supportive.  Plus I already see some of them 5 times a week, that's more than enough.


I'm also looking for a second job.  Between our super basic needs, life and all the attorney fees I'm facing one of several things can happen.  The worse is that I will be out thousands of dollars and no attorneys to finish either of Jose's cases.  I'm getting really frustrated.  You'd think with the holidays coming up there would be a lot of seasonal hiring.  I feel like such a jerk.  So many people are currently unemployed and I'm over here hoping to get a second job.  I just hope I can get a second job before time and the little money I have left runs out.

It's like my dad's dead

I recently wrote our states attorney for help with Jose's case.  I included how we met, why we divorced and the kind of family we are today.  I also added how this whole situation is affecting Cairo. The therapy, nail tearing, binge eating, crying, angry outbursts and the constant questions about his return...

"When is my daddy coming home?"

"Why is it taking so long?"

"I can't wait anymore, when will he be here?"

"Why won't the police let him go?"

"Is my papi a bad person?"

The day before I sent the letter out I decided to add his most recent statement to the letter.  I felt that it was appropriate.  We were on our way home and it was getting dark outside. We were listening to music, it was a pretty quite drive. Then Cairo blurted out "Mom, It's like my dad's dead, but he's not because I talk to him on the phone".  He hit the nail on the head.  I feel the same way but never vocalized it. I never imagined that he, at 6 years old, would associate his dad being in jail with him being dead. I wanted to break down and cry.  It comes to show that just because kids are quiet at times, it doesn't mean those gears are not furiously turning. It also shows that in the end, all this immigration shit, kids are the ones who ultimately suffer the most.

Goooing to the chapel and we're goonna get maaaarried

Two months ago both Jose and I submitted our requests to ICE so that we can get married.  So far nothing has happened.  Someone that is detained with Jose recently got married and was nice enough to give us his wifes number so I can get some guidance as to what it is that needs to be done.  I called her last night and she was nice enough to give me all the details.  Details that are not available on ICE's website, details that the office people I've spoken too at the detention center and the county's office were not able to give me.  So I resent my letter today the way she explained and I'm crossing my fingers that soon enough Jose and I will be married, again.

She also mentioned that Jose and I would not be divided by glass and that we would be in the same room together and that we would be allowed time together, supervised by a guard, of course, so no hanky panky ;)  That brought tears to my eyes, I'd do anything to be allowed to just hold his hand.  I'm anxiously waiting for some sort of response.

Fix #3

I stayed home from work today.  My body is aching.  When we bought our house back in March we were told we had to fix three things:

1. Add a monoxide detector on the main level
2. Add a smoke detector in the basement
3. Fix the cracked cement in the back

I've asked for extension after extension in hopes that Jose would be home to do the cement stuff.  It's almost 6 months later and he's still not here.  Fall is here and winter is on it's way and I've run out of extensions. So in true America fashion I waited until the last day to do fix #3.  I picked up my dad yesterday after work and in the middle of high winds and threatening rain he and I patched up the cement out back.  It took about an hour or so to do.  I did most of it and he directed.  Poor Papa is getting on with the years and he was tired just by looking at the project.  Mixing that cement has given me a new found respect for masons and laborers.  Jose was a laborer for several years and I've seen him work at my dads house.  He made it seem so easy.  He'd mix the cement like it was cake batter and put where it needed to be as if it weighed nothing.  He's going to get a kick at seeing the mess I made but at least it's done and I can get the town off my B-hind.   Lord knows if he were here it would have been done a long time ago and it would be prettier too.

I'm running out of attorneys

So remember I had mentioned Mr. L would be taking over for Mr. B?  He originally said he would take care of Joses old case for $2,000 then charge $1,500 to take care of the lingering charge against him.  I said ok and gave him $1,000, of loaned money, to get him started.  He went into court on Monday and we were denied our request. We started on plan B which is to file a motion to reconsider the judges denial.  I spoke to him about this and he tells me that it will cost another $1000 to do this motion to reconsider.  In my mind this whole thing, going to court on Monday, filing the reconsider stuff, all falls under trying to vacate the case....right?  Well NO, these are all little steps that lead up to getting the case vacated and he wants 1K for ever step.  When we talked about this I told him I don't have a lot of money and that I need for him to work with me to take care of this (I mean I can pay him but not a grand at a time!!) , he says he has other clients and is not going to work on a case if he's not going to get paid and would rather spend time with his family.  I was stunned.

I am pissed and I am scared.  I am doing this all on my own and I feel like I am in a losing battle.   It is no wonder that people with money can do what they want, they can afford to hire attorneys who do what ever they want as long as they get paid and it's the people like Jose and myself who get screwed because although we are humble and no threat to anyone we have no money to freely give to attorneys and so we are S.O.L.  I don't know what to do.  I've already spent $1,000 on this guy but he's not interested in helping me or Jose, he doesn't believe in our case, his heart is not in it and he's going to nickel and dime all the way to the poor house.

What do I do NOW?

He's out of solitary!!

I got a call at work from my mom yesterday.  She said Jose called saying he was released from solitary.  He had spent over a month in solitary for no real reason.  I felt relieved because now he can call home more often and his patience will not run out as long as he keeps busy.   He called home last night and it felt good to hear his voice.  Now we wait, again, to see what happens with his other case.   In a little over a week we'll have some sort of news again, this time I will be present in court.  I'm praying for a miracle.

Every night the images of seeing him released fill my mind.  From the drive to the detention center to walking into our home that he barely knows.  I see myself hugging him and I feel all the sad and depressing emotions of the months past change into joy and happiness.  The awesome feeling of telling Cairo that I will be bringing back his dad and being there after school knowing that Jose will be home waiting for him.  The look on Cairos face when he sees Jose for the first time and runs into his arms.  The tears running down Jose's face from being able to hold his son after months and months of being away. All of that comes to my mind every night.  The images of our family being together again and happy.

I promised my son that I would everything I could to bring his dad back.  I pray that I do not let him down.

5 Months

Yesterday marked month number 5.  Where we are now really isn't that much better off than where we were last month.  We still have Mr. Little B helping us with Jose's immigration case and now we have Mr. L who is working on the rest for Mr. Big B.

When Jose was arrested in was the end of Spring and it was still very chilly outside, cold enough that we needed to keep the heat on in our newly purchased home. It is now chilly once again.  Jose has missed Summer, my birthday, Cairo's birthday, my sister-in-laws birthday and all the activities we were supposed to do this summer like camping, block parties and grilling outside.  Not a day, event or moment went by where I didn't wish he was there to share it with.  I miss him very much and our son misses him so much more than that.  Not even a 6 year old child's mind can over come the empty space.  Sure he has fun but while he's riding his bike or playing or eating cake or ice cream he remembers and sadly says "I miss my papi".  Just this morning on the way to school he asked "Why is it taking so long for papi to come home?" "Will they ever let him go?"  "I hope I'm not a grown up when he comes home".  It breaks my heart to hear my son so concerned about his father, he wants to be with his dad and there is nothing I can do about it but pray and wait.

Cairo has been in therapy for almost two months now and I will be starting next week.  I wasn't planning on seeing anyone, I kept pushing it off thinking "Jose is going to be home soon and it's all going to be better" but as day after day, week after week, month after month goes by I find myself getting weaker and weaker.  I hope and pray that he will be home and we can be a family again but I can't see the end of the tunnel and it's killing me on the inside.  Even as I write this I have this sinking feeling in my stomach and I'm trying to hold back tears.  Some days I feel like I am in denial, this didn't happen he'll walk in the door any minute.  Any minute he's going to call me at 1 O'Clock like he always does....then nothing.  The door never opens and the phone never rings and it all comes back in a horrible wave of emotion.  Every day I read the updates, the articles describing the current immigration changes, trying to read into them to see if there is hope for my Gordo, and there are none.  It's so unfair.  Jose is not a bad person, he just made mistakes and over came them. 

The bicycle guy

Last night I got a text from my sister-in-law that read:

"I think we saved a guy from going to jail. The cops were making him read a paper that said I understand....And he clearly did not understand what they were telling him."

I called her this morning and she explained the following.

She and my brother had walked to a local store to buy some stuff they needed.  On the way back they saw 6 cops with a man (who happened to be Latino).  The man was on a bicycle and had what looked like a grocery bag.  They were asking him to read something on a card that started with "I understand...".  It was obvious that the guy had no idea was going on or what he was reading, he was butchering every word.  So my sister-in-law asked the officers if she could translate for them.  They said no, they were ok.  So my sister-in-law and my brother stayed and watched them.  After a while they told the guy to just go, and he left.

Now, I may be a little slow but you would think that if they had a reason to stop him, while on his bicycle mind you, they wouldn't have let him go.  I mean if someone reported he had shoplifted or was trying to get into parked cars or was vandalizing, they wouldn't have let him go.  This leads me to think that they probably had no real reason to stop him and were trying to force him to say he understood what was going on and then were going to arrest him.  They have Latino cops that speak Spanish, one couldn't be called in to translate? I mean they had 6 cops there already what's one more??

To me it seemed like they stopped him because they suspected he was undocumented.  It is very disappointing to see this happen.  Who do you report that to?  Is the chief telling them to do such a thing?  How many people has this been done to already?  If my sister-in-law and brother were not there watching them, what would have happened to that guy? The guy, for all I know, was probably a U.S. Resident, but maybe he wasn't.  Why are cops telling people to read off a card like that?

Cairos Birthday

Cairo turned 6 years old last week.  I was a little concerned about how he was going to be feeling not having his dad with him on that day.  My mom and sister-in-law took him out for lunch and we did something small that day at my moms house.  As it turns out as they were out having lunch Cairo did get sad, lowering his head and saying "My papi isn't here".  All my sister-in-law could do was hold him, they went home soon after that.  It broke my heart when she told me.  We can't see the emotion wounds he is carrying but they are definitely there.

Since Jose has been detained I've gotten closer to his family.  For what ever reason Jose did not keep in contact much with his siblings that live in the area but as a result of all this I've gotten closer to them.  I call his sister who recently moved out of state but I've been hanging out with his brother and his family who lives just 20 minutes away.  They offered to have a cook out for Cairos birthday, I couldn't say no.  I wasn't planning on doing something big for his birthday.  My plan was to have a party if Jose was going to be home but if he wasn't then I was going to take Cairo and a couple of his best buds out for a movie, food and ice cream.  Something small with family seemed like a good idea.


This past Saturday my brother, sister-in-law, mom, Cairo and I headed over to my brother-in-laws house.  I decided to make Cairos cake.  It was my first time making a cake for Cairo.  I had already done one for my mom, dad and sister-in-law, but I was really scared of making one for Cairo because...well...it's for Cairo and it had to be perfect!  Any way I made the cake.  It was the first time my family was going to meet my brother-in-law.  It was very nostalgic for every one.  My brother-in-law looks just like Jose, Jose is younger by about 5 years but they look very much alike. They talk the same, their mannerisms, expressions, everything, even the way they laugh and joke are the same.  Over and over you'd hear my mom say "OMG you're just like Jose" or "Jose is the same way".,  It got to the point that I had to apologize for my family comparing them over and over again.  My brother-in-law and his family understood.

It's very bitter sweet seeing Cairo with his Tio.  The first time we had gone to their home I wanted to cry.  It was like looking at an older Jose.  The first thing Cairo said was "you look like my dad.  Why do you look like my dad?".  My brother-in-law burst out laughing and told him because they were brothers.  Similarly when Cairo saw his dad after 3 months he told him "Dad!  I saw your brother and his face is like your face!!  Jose just laughed. Cairo was very excited. They are both very excited with each other. Cairo has another great uncle and my brother-in-law has a little boy to do boy stuff with. He has a daughter and even though she's the apple of his eye he's taking the time to get to know Cairo and do "guy" stuff.  Stuff Cairo would normally be doing with his dad.

Seeing them interact makes me feel like Cairo will have another male role model in his immediate life if Jose will not be allowed to stay us.  Thinking that way makes me feel like I am giving up or betraying Jose in some way.  Cairo needs his dad and no matter how well of a relationship he has with either of his uncles, it will not be the same.  Cairo needs Jose.

Jose didn't call on Cairos birthday. I knew he wouldn't have missed it if could help it.  I'm sure they didn't let him call.  You lose precious calling home privs when you're in the hole.  The last time he had called was Monday night.  When we got home on Saturday night we had a missed call from him.  It was a weird feeling because I felt relieved because the call meant he was still alive but sad because I didn't know when he'd be allowed to call home again.  My worst fear is that something bad happens to him while detained...I know the odds of him being killed there is probably slim but that's what I worry about when I don't hear from him. I worry that something has happened to him, he's sick or God forbid in a fight of some sort.  Luckily he called again on Sunday afternoon.  Cairo answered the phone while I was cutting down the jungle that grew in our yard. He came out yelling "Mom! Mom! My dad called and he said happy birthday to me!!!", then he passed the phone to me and I got to talk to my Gordo for a good 10 minutes, he was ok but still in the hole.  When we hung up I just cried and cried.

In less than two weeks we'll know if Jose will be allowed bond or not.  I'm praying for a miracle. 

Tweeting the devil and the Wasilewski family

I was able to attend todays immigration vigil downtown.  Every Friday a group of people gather at the downtown court house and pray for the families affected by current immigration laws.  Immigrants are deported from the building some during the day on Fridays.  Mr. Little B has a solid attendance rate, I've only been able to go a couple times because of morning issues, like actually getting up early enough to make it there on time and getting Cairo out of bed.

I made it a point to go today because I knew the Wasilewski family was going to be there. I got my butt up and got to the blue line in time to get there. The Wasilewski family was there, it brought me to tears to see them. When everything was done I walked over to Janina and welcomed her back.  She gave me a big hug and I told her that I am very happy they were together again and she had a beautiful family.  She asked me what my story was and I explained, of course I started to tear up and she gave me a big hug.  She gave me hope with her words.  I will keep her in my thoughts and I am very grateful I got to meet them.  Brian is very cute, he reminded me of Cairo, I wanted to squeeze him but I restrained myself because well you know he's 10 and I didn't want to freak him out.

I talked to Mr. Little B before he left.  Jose did not call yesterday, I don't think he was allowed and I really don't think he would have missed calling Cairo on his birthday.  So I'm sure Jose was not allowed to call home, he's still in the hole.  He said to document everything, it's our only way of fighting back in the end.  During the vigil Mr. Little B suggested as every one does, to contact our local reps and senators about CIR, "Silence is acceptance".  Email, send letters and/or tweet every day, he said.  So I am taking it upon myself to tweet as many times as I remember....like just now....to tweet:  

We need #CIR,  stop #deportations! @RepMikeQuigley @SenatorDurbin @SenatorReid @SenatorSanders @Kirk4senate @LamarSmithTX21 #immigration

As you can see I've included Mr. Lamar Smith.  I invite you to do the same.  BTW you will have to change your tweet slightly if you want to keep retweeting it.  I just discovered that as I just.....retweeted it.

Worst Article EVER!!!

In response to this article posted by the Phoenix News Times, titled "Certain Illegal Immigrants Collard by Arpaio Score Papers to Work Legally as a Result of Their Arrests".  The title itself says a lot about where the author is coming from.

"Illegal Immigrants Collard", that in itself is an insult.  Immigrants should be collard like dogs when arrested.  It's dehumanizing and disgusting.  The author obviously has no respect for immigrants in general.  He refers to Americans as "Nativists".... AS IF!!!  I'm sorry but the majority of Americans living in this country are not Natives to this land and to imply it is a huge offense to Native Americans.

He's approach is insulting.  Saying that some of the immigrants were able "score" papers as a result of the arrest implies that they stole it.  I'm sure he's one of the idiots bitching out "Why can't they come here legally?" and when someone actually finds a way to legally get papers they are accused of "scoring" them much like someone were to score a dime bag or stolen laptop.

Maybe I read it wrong and maybe I'm over reacting, but this article did not sit well with me.

Jose's in the hole

Apparently there was some kind of minor incident last Wednesday (August 3, 2011) that resulted in a bunch of guys including Jose to be put in the hole.  The hole for some who don't know is solitary confinement.  They are not allowed to shower, are not given razors to shave, can not buy food from the commissary, can not write home (and I'm guessing can not receive mail) and are limited to when they can call home.

It's been a week and he's still in the hole.  He and the others there complained to the warden.  They were not involved in any fights (unlike others) and try to keep to themselves yet they are being held in solitary confinement.  The wardens response was that he did not have to listen or speak to them and that he simply did not want them there at the detention center and will keep them in the hole until space is available at another location!!!  He has submitted a request to have them moved to another county.  If he is moved I only pray that it's closer than where he is now.

I simply can not understand why people with CIVIL offenses are being treated like murderers and rapists.  It's inhumane and unjust.  Even if they were real criminals to deprive them of being able to shower and communicate with their loved ones is not right.  My stomach hurt just hearing him tell me what had happened.  I wish I can just go over there and get him.  I think the warden is abusing his authority and it's killing me that I can't do anything about it.  Mr. Little B. said to document everything and hopefully something can be done when Jose is released. They are being treated worse than animals and it's disgusting.

The more this kind of stuff happens the more I feel like throwing in the towel and just getting away from this awful place that does nothing but imprison as many people it can for the sake of giving the select few the illusion they are safe while making billions of dollars in the process.  I am down right angry that this is happening and that no one seems to care that it's happening.

GOD BLESS AMERICA 

The land of the free, as long as you keep your mouth shut and stay at the bottom.

Tri County Detention Center

Driving out of the neighborhood

**Edit** Two weeks ago Thursday (Not last Thursday) I spoke to Mr. Little B.  We talked about Jose's skin infection that continues to go on untreated.  He said if I could see it with my own eyes we might be able to get Jose out for medical treatment.  It's a 6 hr drive, one way.  It was Thursday evening, Jose was going to have court that Monday so you know what I did?  I got my butt on the road the next morning and headed to Tri County Detention Center in Ullin, IL.  My brother, Chris, was awesome enough to take the trip with me....more like drive me down there.  He's a truck driver, a pretty damn good one at that, and he was used to driving for a ton of hours at time.  There's no one else I would have wanted on this trip with me.

I was a little weirded out that I would be taking a 12+ hr round road trip with my brother.  Never in my life did I think we would be doing something like that and considering how *well* we get along I was more concerned about being left on the side of the road in the middle of no where.  Obviously that didn't happen :D

The drive out of the city was pretty decent, we left his house about 10AM.  Filled the tank and headed to the highway.  As we're driving out I started having all kinds of thoughts.  This was our first conversation:

Driving out of the city

Me: Dude, I feel bad for mom.

Chris: What? why?

Me: Well you  know, we're her only kids.

Chris: Yeah, so?

Me: Well...what if something happens to us?

*Silence*

Chris: Why you gotta be so negative?

Corn feilds!!

As we're driving we spotted a Sheriffs van, and all kinds of theories started pouring out of us as to where they were going.  At first we though they were hauling more people down to Tri County....yeah I know we just started our trip and we were already on the immigration defense bandwagon.  Along the way the scenery was pretty peaceful.  Lot's of corn fields and farms.  I do have to say I did see a sign along the highway that said....and I quote...."Prepare for War".  Sadly I couldn't take a picture of it. We were on a mission, a 6 hr drive, one way, mission.  Plus I didn't see it until it was super close and we zoomed by it pretty quick.  If you're following me on twitter, you saw my comment about that.

Chris afer the Bohemian Rhapsody Rock out Session

I'm amazed almost every single exit had a McDonalds...that's where we stopped for lunch.  Did't take a picture if it cuz, well, you know they're EVERY WHERE.  I have to say I give my brother lots of props for being focused on this driving.  We didn't need to get gas until we were about 3/4 into our trip.  So close yet so far away I kept thinking.  We didn't really need a GPS, the drive is essentially a straight shot off if 57 but we used it along the way for sanity and to see what gas stations and restaurants were up ahead.  Apparently Big Red drinks Shell only and we were damn near close to being stranded in the middle of no where with no survival gear.  Now that I think about it my friend over at the Esteveban Files needs to do a post about that.  Yeah I'm plugging my friends blog, I listen to what he says and I'm still alive...nuff said.  We got to a gasoline station and the whole way this dumb broad (yeah it's a female voice)  kept saying "Road Recalculation"...it was annoying, we knew what we were doing after all,  but we let her slide.  She's finally happy when we get back on 57 South.

Tri County Detention Center

When we got to our exit, thank GOD,  the creepy voice coming from the electrical device tells us to go left when we need to go right.  Good thing we had a printed map that Chris looked at before taking off....so we went right.  Drove less than a mile and got to Tri County Detention Center.  The place is a lot smaller than what I expected.  It's about the size of a Walmart.  Barbed wire all over the place.  We arrived just before 4pm, visiting hours are 5pm - 9pm we went inside any way and there was girl in the office. I told her we drove for 6 hours and were there to visit someone.  Apparently they  make no exceptions.  You don't get in before 5 pm.  I understood, I was still annoyed none the less, she's just doing her job right?  Well come 4pm she locked the doors and left.  Someone was supposed to come at 5pm to open up shop.  We headed to the gasoline station that was less than a block or so away for a break.  We stayed there for a bit and went back.  The lot was still empty the doors were still locked.  After we parked we saw a van, driven by officers, come int. It had a couple guys in there, we figured they were restocking the money makers.  Not too long after that another van left with some more guys in the back dressed in prison cloths, so we guessed they were being taken to another facility or into the city.  Then the worst thought came into my head "What if he's not even here anymore?".

By the time 5pm came a couple cars showed up with two families.  We all waited at the door but no one came to unlock the door.  I asked the other families if it was there first time there, they said no.  So I asked if they were punctual at opening the doors, they said "nope".  I also asked them what kind of a "detention center" this was.  I thought it was odd that a "detention center" would have barbed wire all over the place.  They responded that they held all kinds of prisoners but "they mostly hold immigrants, cuz you know they get a lot of money for them".  Needless to say that Cuentames Immigrants for Sale Video came to mind.

Barney Fife finally came to open the door.  We showed him our IDs, he signed us in and took Chris's car keys.  The metal detector didn't work so he used a wand on us which kept backfiring because it kept detecting his keys.  After he was done scanning everyone he led us to another room where he radioed for the door to open then to another, finally we were in room filled with smaller 6'X6' rooms made of cement block.  We entered the last room in the row and waited.  There was a phone and a 12"X12" window.  As we waited it started to hit Chris where we were and why.  The same thing happened to me the first time I went to see Jose a the local prison he was being held before being transferred to Tri County.  It doesn't really hit you until you are there going through the process of seeing the person and then your loved one is actually there.

 Jose, finally, was brought in.  Let's just say the look on his face was priceless.  He didn't know we were going to be there so he was totally surprised.  His eyes started to tear up the moment he saw us and of course I started to cry.   I got to see the back of his head which, I admit, I wished was worse.  It did look too bad but  it looks to be spreading.  I didn't think it was bad enough to get him out for medical attention but we'll see.  We talked for the allowed time, Chris and I took turns on the phone and Jose was just really happy to see us there.  I would have taken Cairo with me but I didn't think he could handle the ride.  We said our good byes and we were back on the road.  I wished we could have brought him back home with us.  I can not wait for that day when he's home and Cairo can finally hug and squeeze his dad.


On the way back we had dinner at a Steak N Shake (yes I had a shake), saw a beautiful sunset, found ourselves in a thunder storm and saw some awesome lightening.  I tried to get a picture of lightening but it would refuse to show itself when ever I got ready for a shot.  Oh well.  We hit some traffic when we got to 55, which is beyond me why there were so many people out and about at 1am, I wanted to get to my bed and these people were getting in my way.  I got home and was in bed by 2am.

I LOVE YOU GORDO!

4 months and counting

It's been 4 months since Jose was arrested.  He had court on the first of the month, it was continued to next month.  We are still praying for  miracle.  He was actually brought into court this time so I brought Cairo with me so they could see each other.  The attorney spoke to someone who allowed us to see him in the "visiting room", which is no different than a prison visiting room, complete with phones to talk through and glass dividers.

When we walked in, Jose was there waiting for us.  When Cairo saw him he stood stunned, not knowing what to do with himself.  He refused to speak and at one point refused to even look at Jose.  His nervousness kicked in and started tearing at his already practically bleeding nails.  This is a new habit he's developed in the last few weeks. Both my mom and my sister-in-law were there, we were all crying our eyes out.  It had been 4 months since Cairo and Jose had seen each other.  Finally Cairo felt comfortable enough to talk to his father, at that point we couldn't get him off the phone.  It was a bitter sweet moment.  Then the time came to be in the court room and Cairo behaved like a little gentleman but the look on his face when he saw his father handcuffed hurt me to the core.  Why did they have to hand cuff him? He has no history of violence not to mention all the armed officers he'd run into, if he dare make a break for it.  It all just seemed so exaggerated.  Plus we couldn't even hug him, give him a kiss on the cheek...he was less then 6 feet away from us and Cairo was not allowed to hug his daddy.

Throughout hearing they kept making googly eyes at each other, smiled  and blew each other kisses.  Then it was time to say good-bye....in that cold, spirit killing visiting room.  Jose would be driven back, 6 hrs to the detention center and we would be on the train back home with out him.

Petition Closed

Upon the advice of our attorney the online petition has been closed.  Thanks to all of you who signed.  We had about 60 online signatures.  I felt a little disappointed but at the same time I think he is right...once it is all said and done you want to have a normal life and online is forever and privacy is something we do cherish.  It doesn't mean are stopping our fight it just means we are going to be a little more conservative about it.

Thanks again.

Our looong story

I met Jose at a neighbors birthday party.  My family was there I arrived after spending all day studying at school, I was an undergrad at UIC.  My parents had already known Jose.  All I would hear after school is "Jose this" and "Jose that", I was a little annoyed to be honest but I had to see what all the hub-bub was about, so I made it a point to go and see who this famous Jose was.

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was in the living room talking to some people and in burst this annoyingly funny guy wearing part of a piñata on his head trying to scare one of the guys that was there.  I got one look at him and I thought to myself "is this it?", I wasn't impressed to say the least. Not too long after that, I was on summer vacation and my dad asked him to help out with project at our house.  The man was to dig a hole in the front yard for a sump pump.  Jose dug that hole with a steady pace and ease.  I was the water girl and watched every moment, needless to say he got my attention.  We started dating by the end of summer by the following year we were married.  I started the process to get Jose a green card then.  We didn't continue because Jose would have to leave the country for 10 years before I could complete the process.  This is one of those things a lot of people don't know.  This is why there are so many people who are still undocumented even though they have U.S. Citizen spouses and children.  Marrying a U.S. citizen does not automatically get a person a green card.  This cartoon does a decent job at explaining the process for people who want to come to the U.S (not for those who are already here).

Two years after we were married Cairo was born.  Two years after that we were divorced.  Don't get me wrong I loved him very much and I'm sure he loved me, but he had a lot of growing up to do and I got tired of waiting.  Quite frankly I didn't think Jose would ever change, he was a grown man set in his ways.  We were separated for about a year and during that year Jose was more involved in our lives than when we were living together.  He spent as much time as he could with Cairo.  Shoot, he even started to get along with my family.  He did as much as he could to help my brother at his house, Cairo and I were living there.  Jose shoveled snow, cut grass, painted rooms, fixed this and that.  He was around a whole lot during that year.   After that year we decided to give our relationship another try, I did still love him after all and we had Cairo who desperately loves him.   We got ourselves an apartment and there we were again at square one with a toddler.  In these last couple of years Jose showed me he did grow up.  He was more involved at home and with my family.  We spent almost every weekend at my parents house and we even went camping a few times.  Finally we were a family.  We decided we wanted to buy a house and we did March 17, 2011.  March 25th we moved in and 11 days later....well here we are.  Jose's in an immigration "detention center" (it's a prison no matter what you call it), I'm writing a blog and Cairo has started seeing a therapist at the age of 5.

The thing that bothers me the most about this whole ordeal is finding out how unjust the laws in place are.  You would think that once we were married and I started the process to get Jose a green card that there shouldn't be any hurdles.  Yet there is, a 10 year long hurdle.  Of course there is a waiver but good luck getting that accepted.   Even now, if we can not keep Jose here, he would be at least banned for 10 years before I could petition for him to come home, that would mean Cairo would be 16 years old by the time his dad could come live with us in the house we bought.  The other option would be to go live in Mexico, although if this were 10 maybe 5 years ago I might have jumped on the band wagon but considering all this stuff that's going on there (**warning, link contains violent images**), I'm scared out of my wits.  I don't know how the families who are already there do it.

Jose is not a bad guy, he has a good heart, is a good dad and a good husband to me.   He is my and Cairos family and we love each other very much.  Sure he's made mistakes in the past but who hasn't?  I've forgiven him, why can't our government?  The problem with this government is that it does everything it can to make it damn near impossible to progress.  Criminalizing moral decisions is not the role of government.  Far too many minorities are criminalized for minor drug charges.  The gap in sentencing between social classes and minorities is far is too large.   Undocumented immigrants are held in "detention centers" but are treated like terrorists.

It's sad that people who are residents or naturalized citizens have this false sense of security.  Any mistake, no matter how minor could be a slap on the wrist for an American but it means deportation for them. 

First Therapy Session

Last night Cairo went to his first therapy session with Katie.  I explained to him that we were going to a place where he was going to meet Katie and he was going to be allowed to play with toys and talk to her about anything he wanted to.  He right away asked if he could talk about his dad and I said of course.  

I was, and still am, a little apprehensive about the process.  Cairo is to be alone with a complete stranger for 45 minutes behind closed doors.  I know it sounds bad but he's my only son and it's bad enough our dysfunctional family is going to mess him up for life add to that his dad being ripped from his life at such a tender age, let's just say I don't want anything else to happen to him.   Katie, came out to the waiting room, she is super nice and I got the impression that she is very open to kids and their weirdness (cuz you know kids can be weird sometimes), I felt comfortable with her and Cairo was smitten with her the moment she said "Hi!".  I had told him if he didn't like her or didn't feel comfortable that he didn't have to go.  Right away he asked if he could go with her and off he went.  I spent the 45 minutes reading blogs on my phone, next time I'll take my ipod and listen to a book. When they came out it's like he was the energizer bunny.

"Mom! Mom! Guess what she has?!?!  She has a sand table and little monitos I got to play with and carritos and troquitas!!! Can I come back tomorrow???"

Yes, my little spanglish baby had a great time.  It felt good that he had fun.  I gave him his space and only asked if he had fun and if Katie was nice.  He told me that he got to play and to talk and that they talked about his papi.  He said he liked it and wanted to go back.  So here we are, day 1 of therapy for my changuito and he doesn't even know it.

It's hard to ask for help

I just started Joses petition yesterday and I've got printed versions to ask people if they can sign it.  I thought it would be a good way to get the online peeps to sign and the too tech savvy to sign it.  The first person I asked to sign the paper petition was one of my mom's neighbors, it was not difficult to ask her, she willfully accepted and even spoke well of Jose.  Tonight a few of us went to another one of my mom's neighbors house for a Tupperware party thing (and yes, it was a real Tupperware party not an "alternative" Tupperware party), there were plenty of would be signers of the petition.  I was able to ask the women I knew to sign it and they did, I could not, on the other hand, ask the other women or the men to sign.  The hostess and my sister-in-law asked for me, I just broke down in tears.  I could not bring myself to vocalize the purpose of the petition.  This is an emotional hurdle I just can't get passed. Talking to my sister-in-law earlier I thought it was my insecurities, el que diran? (what will they say?) syndrome.  The more I think about it now, it's not so much el que diran, it's the fact that I feel extremely vulnerable, I feel weak.  I never really learned how to ask for help when I need it, my family can tell you that.  It was hard enough to open up to close friends about this but now to tell people that do not know me or Jose or my family very well and to ask them to sign something for us, it's hard. I'm going to do my best to get passed it, it's one more hurdle I need to get over and it's not the biggest considering everything else that's going on.  I've said this before and I will say it again, I am very humbled and touched by the generosity and support we have gotten so far.  Thank you to all of you, I hope to be able to return the favor in some way.

Real friends are hard to find

I was told "you'll know who your true friends are when you are in need" when I was teenager, I can't remember by who but it stuck in my head.   I'll be the first to admit it, I'm the worst friend ever.  I don't keep in touch as often as I should, I prefer email or txt messages over a phone conversation and I'm down right thoughtless sometimes.  I don't do it on purpose or with an intention to offend or ward of anyone.  I think it's because I've become a cyber hermit of sorts.  I've lost social skills to technology, I'm not trying to excuse myself just trying to explain the why I am how I am.

Since the possibility of Jose's deportation got hurled, into our tranquil for the most part, lives I've been working to try and get him home.  I didn't announce to the world "Hey! Guess what's going on!!!", there were very few people who knew Jose had been picked up.  My own insecurities and not knowing what was going to happen or how quickly kept me quiet about it.  After Joses first court appearance Mr. Little B asked that I get together family photos and reference letters for Jose.  The photos I can get....but reference letters?  I know I can count on my family but who else would be willing to write up reference letters for Jose?  So, I started asking around, my friends, coworkers people I know that have interacted with him....I mean what's the worse that could happen right?  I even started tracking down some of Joses buddies, some he had known for years and had even come to our house on an occasion or two.  Thanks to some I was able to get in touch with people he had lost contact with and had known since before he met me, ten years ago.

I'm so grateful that I was able to find these people.  They are willing to help us out and write letters for Jose.  People I'm meeting for the first time and my own friends who have had minor interactions with him, at birthday parties and such, but are more than willing to help.  I'm touched that so many people are willing put on paper that they know him and can vouch that he's not such a bad guy.  What I did not expect was to have some of his "friends", people he probably talked to the day before he was detained, to disappear.  I guess they weren't really friends?  Then why say you'll help and then bail?  Knowing that someones life and their families life could be affected and all you need to do is say he's not a threat to society....I mean wouldn't you do it for someone you knew?  It seems like a really small thing you can do that could really help someone...no?

Like I said, I think I'm horrible friend, I don't keep in touch as often as I should and sometimes I forget to call back.  One thing is for sure, I won't leave a friend hanging like that.  I may not be able to loan money, cuz lord knows my budget is a work in progress but if someone I know needs to be vouched for,  heck yeah I'm gonna do it, no doubt about it.

Mi Torta de Jamon Gordo

Ever since Jose has been detained I engulfed myself with reading articles on immigration.  I've learned so much not only about what direction politicians are going on the subject but also how many "Americans" feel about the subject.  Reading the comments on the articles just depress the heck out of me.  I can't believe how horrible people feel about undocumented immigrants.  It's like people have lost their humanity, compassion and empathy for their fellow man.  To top it off all the comments are ignorant to the immigration laws in this country.  The Daily News recently posted article about women who are living in exile outside of the United States because their spouses have been deported.  The comments on this article stuck a cord, in particular:

"To all the women who marry illegals, or choose to marry down. Too bad if you don't like what is said about the subject. This format is one of the few places Americans can voice their opinion without fear of job loss or government retaliation. What did you down dating fools think? That everyone would be supportive? Not ! Women love to date losers, can I ask you women the size of your husbands bank accounts? Could it be 4 figures at best, or perhaps zero! It's not so much that these men have immigration problems that disturb me. It's the whole package, I'm sure they have zero bank accounts, zero job opportunity, and wives and children in their home countries. A woman will fall in love with a ham sandwich."

Comments like the one above is the reason why I stopped reading them.  I've been following most if not all of the blogs mentioned and even though I have just started reading these blogs, the fact that they are blogging and reading their experiences have given me hope that regardless of what happens to Joses case, in the end we are going to be ok and we are going to make it.  These are the blogs I follow that have written about their "Ham Sandwiches":

Corin in Exile
The Real Houswives of Ciudad Juarez
Living South of Sanity
Greenga Girl
A Year in the Life of Krystal

In solidarity, here are 25, of the many, reasons I love my Torta de Jamon Gordo:

1. Because of him I have a beautiful son
2. Not once did he ask me to drop out of school to be a stay at home wife, my parents biggest concern
3. He as a beautiful heart, even though not many people get to see it
4. He's not afraid to wash dishes or sweep or mop or do laundry even though most "Machos" think that's a womans job
5. He can talk about "girl" stuff without acting like a 13 year old and understands if I need to rest or need to be left a lone for a bit
6. His jeans look like my sons, torn at the knees from playing carritos on the floor
7. He has the strength of a bull but is ever so gentle
8. No matter how badly my dad treats him, he does his best to be patient with him.  If you've met my father you'll know, that in itself is HUGE
9. When he does handyman work at our or my parents house, he always lets Cairo "help" in a way that doesn't cause too much damage but makes Cairo feel important
10. He complains about my choice of paint color, as he paints the walls
11. I can come home with a tree and all he would ask is "Where do you want it?"
12. He's not afraid of physical labor
13. He doesn't know how smart and skilled he really is
14. He can fix almost anything without having to consult google
15. His response to my brother and sister-in-law moving was "Tell them I'm sorry I'm not there to help"
16. He loves his son with all his heart
17. No matter how angry he gets he has never ever raised a hand at me
18. He is protective of his family
19. He loves to cook, even though his culinary skills are still in development :)
20. He'll stay up doing laundry if I need him to
21. I never have to ask him to take out the garbage
22. He shows his appreciation for people with actions not words
23. He manages to always make me feel better when I'm upset or hurt
24. We can talk all night about nothing and everything
25. If the world as we know it were ever to end, we'll survive thanks to him

I LOVE YOU GORDO!

3 Months and Counting

Today marks 3 months since Jose was taken from us.  I miss him a lot and so does Cairo.  I have an appointment this week with a pediatric psychologist.  I'll be going first, alone, then they are going to tell me when Cairo will go and how often.  He'll turn 6 next month....another milestone his dad will miss.   Jose was supposed to call last night but didn't and I totally missed his called tonight!  I feel horrible, I was picking up stuff from a very good friend who was donating to our cause.  To make up the money for Joses attorney fees my sister-in-law and I have been setting up garage sales every weekend at the community garage sale in our area.  I've asked my friends and family to donate things they were already planning on donating so we can sell them to raise the money we need.  I am very blessed to have the friends and family I have, I am touched by the support.  There are no words to describe how grateful and humbled I am.

Yesterday was the 4th of July and typically I would have been all gun ho about the bar-b-ques and fireworks.  I have to admit I was really excited to take Cairo to see fireworks on Friday night.  It was his first ever fireworks show and his face lighting up was just priceless, I really wish Jose could have seen it.   He was amazed at all the lights and he didn't flinch too much at all the booms, he sat by me mesmerized by the colors in the sky.  It was great.

For me, this whole weekend all I kept feeling was disappointment.  Shoot I was born in this country thanks to the sacrifice of my immigrant parents, yet I found myself very unpatriotic.  Don't get me wrong I am very grateful that the country I live in is safer than most.  I'm grateful that I can drive home in the middle of the night and know I will actually arrive safely.  That my son can be in school and I don't have to worry about a stray bullet reaching his classroom, for that I am very grateful.  I am also grateful that we can buy groceries with out driving into a shoot out.  Grateful, I am, that I don't have to worry about men coming into my home to torture and kill us.  I am very grateful that I was born in this country, but this entire weekend I kept thinking over and over in my mind how can I be a proud American when the country I love is ripping my family apart?  I can't seem to find middle ground, I love my country but I hate what it's doing to my family.

First Court Day

At 9am I was downtown in a small court room which had seating for 8 people.  The judge sat in the front facing an enormous TV that displayed the live streaming video a detainee some where else in the country.  If this case gave a hint to what our future held, it did not look good.  No bail, voluntary departure request denied. Next came Jose.  Mr. Little B asked for a continuance for as long as they would give so that he could prepare for court since he was just hired last week.  Request granted,  August 1st.  They allowed me to see Jose and speak to him for a moment.  It was good to see him after a month of only speaking to him.  I cried.  Jose, of course, was calm and collected.

 I walked away feeling a little numb.  I thought I was going to pass out in that cold room.  When we walked out I was given a task.  To obtain any evidence that would help Joses case.  Family pictures and letters from friends and family vouching for Joses character.  I'm on it boss!   I should be sorting through pictures this weekend and will print them soon enough.  The letters on the other will take a bit longer to get but not impossible.  I've already called upon my friends and family, I am very grateful we have that kind of support.  Dear God please let all this help in some way.

WTH???

After seeing Jose's attorney last night I wanted to send a note to him ASAP to give him some info before he's in court on Wednesday.  Since he's not going to call until Monday night I want him to have the info on paper so he can review it.  I went to the post office this morning to send him the letter over night.  The woman at the post office looked at the "to" address and as she proceeded to process everything she started rattling off stuff and then asked if I needed stamps or passport applications....I politely said "No thank you." but in my head I thought "Bitch what you tryin' to say?".  Ok I admit it, I'm most likely reading waaaaaaay to into it, it is one of their "services" after all,  but she didn't ask any of the other two people who were there if they need passport applications....WTH?

Attorney hired

The immigration attorney has been hired and now we wait.  I like that he's very passionate about what he does.  Our conversation didn't last very long today I made my points and brought up the ICE memo, to which he responded "The ICE attorneys here have not even heard of it." and when he asked a judge about it the judge said "It's not going to make a difference".  Basically he said, ICE and Mr. Obama are pandering for the Latino vote.  It seems that the memo was sent out to make it seem like something is being done to help the community when in reality they are still trying to hit their yearly quota of over 300,000 people deported.  You might say what do you expect the memo came out almost a week ago?  The thing is, it affects peoples lives.  It affects my life.  If that memo came out Friday the attorneys should be putting it into effect Monday.  I understand some things take time but that is something I don't have.  Jose has court Wednesday and if these attorneys read the memo and put it into effect he might be let go....but they haven't and might not ever read that memo and where will that leave us?

After our meeting I practically ran with Mr. Little B to the local church, he picked up a rosary and a book and he bought me the Virgin de Guadalupe card I want to send to Jose.  He had them blessed and ran back to his next appointment and I stayed and cried and prayed.  He informed me of the vigil that is held every Friday morning down town for the people being deported that morning.  I'm thinking of going and add to the support...I'm afraid to see the buses leave though.  I'm not sure I'll be able to handle seeing all those people being taken away.

What Mr. Little B said doesn't mean we're not going to fight, it just means we are going fight even harder.  Laws are placed in such a way that they suppress minorities.  In Joses case, even though he was convicted of a crime where there was no victim, no one was hurt yet he is marked as an undesirable, a person who is deportable in this countries eyes.  It doesn't matter that he made a mistake that Millions of Americans make every day (and have every right to make but that is a topic for another day), or that he's a stay at home dad or that his son who desperately needs him is waiting for him to come home.  They don't see the people, they see the conviction. They don't see the broken home or a family torn apart, they see their quota increased.