Today marks 3 months since Jose was taken from us. I miss him a lot and so does Cairo. I have an appointment this week with a pediatric psychologist. I'll be going first, alone, then they are going to tell me when Cairo will go and how often. He'll turn 6 next month....another milestone his dad will miss. Jose was supposed to call last night but didn't and I totally missed his called tonight! I feel horrible, I was picking up stuff from a very good friend who was donating to our cause. To make up the money for Joses attorney fees my sister-in-law and I have been setting up garage sales every weekend at the community garage sale in our area. I've asked my friends and family to donate things they were already planning on donating so we can sell them to raise the money we need. I am very blessed to have the friends and family I have, I am touched by the support. There are no words to describe how grateful and humbled I am.
Yesterday was the 4th of July and typically I would have been all gun ho about the bar-b-ques and fireworks. I have to admit I was really excited to take Cairo to see fireworks on Friday night. It was his first ever fireworks show and his face lighting up was just priceless, I really wish Jose could have seen it. He was amazed at all the lights and he didn't flinch too much at all the booms, he sat by me mesmerized by the colors in the sky. It was great.
For me, this whole weekend all I kept feeling was disappointment. Shoot I was born in this country thanks to the sacrifice of my immigrant parents, yet I found myself very unpatriotic. Don't get me wrong I am very grateful that the country I live in is safer than most. I'm grateful that I can drive home in the middle of the night and know I will actually arrive safely. That my son can be in school and I don't have to worry about a stray bullet reaching his classroom, for that I am very grateful. I am also grateful that we can buy groceries with out driving into a shoot out. Grateful, I am, that I don't have to worry about men coming into my home to torture and kill us. I am very grateful that I was born in this country, but this entire weekend I kept thinking over and over in my mind how can I be a proud American when the country I love is ripping my family apart? I can't seem to find middle ground, I love my country but I hate what it's doing to my family.
Yesterday was the 4th of July and typically I would have been all gun ho about the bar-b-ques and fireworks. I have to admit I was really excited to take Cairo to see fireworks on Friday night. It was his first ever fireworks show and his face lighting up was just priceless, I really wish Jose could have seen it. He was amazed at all the lights and he didn't flinch too much at all the booms, he sat by me mesmerized by the colors in the sky. It was great.
For me, this whole weekend all I kept feeling was disappointment. Shoot I was born in this country thanks to the sacrifice of my immigrant parents, yet I found myself very unpatriotic. Don't get me wrong I am very grateful that the country I live in is safer than most. I'm grateful that I can drive home in the middle of the night and know I will actually arrive safely. That my son can be in school and I don't have to worry about a stray bullet reaching his classroom, for that I am very grateful. I am also grateful that we can buy groceries with out driving into a shoot out. Grateful, I am, that I don't have to worry about men coming into my home to torture and kill us. I am very grateful that I was born in this country, but this entire weekend I kept thinking over and over in my mind how can I be a proud American when the country I love is ripping my family apart? I can't seem to find middle ground, I love my country but I hate what it's doing to my family.
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