Woah, it's been almost a year since my last post here.

Life just got in the way and I've kinda neglected posting on this blog. Truth is nothing exciting has been happening for us on the immigration front. We are still scheduled for court in September, we are just anxiously waiting.

Now that my son is on summer vacation I've been trying to go to the Broadview Immigration Vigil every Friday. The last time I was there, two weeks ago, I met a young woman whose significant other was being deported that day. She's about to give birth any day. I gave her my number in case she needed someone to talk to. She mentioned she didn't have anyone here. Her family is in another state. I really hope everything turns out ok for her.

I have to say, even though Jose is home with us, my heart aches for these families who are being torn apart. It's horrible watching the buses leave and the children and wives and husbands of those being deported standing there helplessly, crying. There just has to be a better way of handling this.

Cairo and America miss Jose - One year later

Wow, early this month marked the anniversary of when Jose was pulled over. I can't believe the drastic change between then and now. He's been home for 4 weeks now and it's like he was never gone. Looking back I remember the feeling of hopelessness and frustration. Seeing the pain this has caused on my son, who was 5 years old at the time, was killing me slowly. My thoughts ran drastically from one place to another. One moment I would refuse to let Jose go and at another I would think F*** IT, we'll make due in Mexico one way or another. Sometimes I would imagine us there and how we would live, I would get scarred of not being able to provide for Cairo. I would cry at the thought of him trying to make his way back only for him to never make it home. At other times I would envision us here, home, living our lives like we did before. I would see us going camping and on family vacations, cooking out in our yard and playing at the park.

When Jose was gone we didn't really live, being on our own made our lives chaotic. We were always rushing to places, school, work etc... We didn't seem to have time to do anything outside of school and work. I didn't see Cairo being an average child, doing activities at school or outside of school. I didn't have time to do those things with him because we were always rushing. Now that Jose is home life is so different. I feel more at peace, life is not as rushed. Cairo is one hundred times happier. He no longer puts himself on time outs and he's slowed down on ripping his nails off, they don't bleed any more, he's too busy to pick at them.

Both Jose and I had our emotional roller coasters during this time and we both became angry with ourselves and, at times, with God. An experience like this really makes you look at yourself and your beliefs. It makes you ask those questions of why? Why is this happening? Why is this being allowed to happen? It also makes you doubt what you believe and what you want to believe. These questions, which were asked over and over in my mind, in particular when doors were harshly shut in our faces, made me pray even harder. Yes I was angry and doubtful but it didn't make me stop praying and asking for help. This past year was one of the worst years of my life, but now that I look back at it I can see how both Jose and I have changed for the best. Our family is more united than it was before and we feel completely and utterly blessed for this second chance of being together. Now I can say that I am grateful to God, now that Jose is home and in a way this experience has reinforced faith in me some how, yet I wonder how would I feel if Jose was not home? How would I feel if he were in still in jail or in Mexico? Would I still be praying for his return or would the little faith I had before this be obliterated? I hope that question will never have an answer, for now I will keep on praying....for Jose, Cairo, my family and everyone else needing support and love.

Immigration Detention: Good old fashion vacation!

Apparently ICE as developed new guidelines on how immigrants should be treated while be held in detention. For years this has been referred to as a "detention" but when you get down to it people are being IMPRISONED. The House Judiciary Committee Chairman is Rep Lamar Smith from Texas and according to him:

"The Obama administration’s new detention manual is more like a hospitality guideline for illegal immigrants.  The administration goes beyond common sense to accommodate illegal immigrants and treats them better than citizens in federal custody. "

Mr. Smith, I beg to differ. When my husband was held for almost a year he was held in county JAILS where he was treated worse than an animal. He was fed just enough food to keep him alive. He did not receive adequate medical treatment for a skin infection he developed upon beginning his "holiday". He was verbally abused and was not even allowed to feel the warmth of the sun or breath clean air. He wore prison clothing and was put in solitary confinement when ever the guards deemed it so, God forbid anyone made too much noise with their playing cards or accidentally kicked a door or put their foot on a chair. My son ripped at his nails until they bled. I was sleep deprived for almost a year and now we live in constant fear my husband may be ripped from our lives once more. Mr. Smith, this is no "holiday" and to even think it as so is disrespectful, cynical and down right insulting.

What you are doing, Mr. Smith, is wrong, inhumane and goes against every moral fiber that made this country what it is today. There is a better way of handling this countries immigration problems. Criminalizing immigrants, holding them in prisons and destroying families is not the way. We all have choices in life and our choices bring one of two things: Peace or Destruction. Your choices have not brought peace and are destroying families all across this country. You believe you are doing what is right but your decisions have unforeseen consequences.

I pity you, Mr. Smith. We can see the anger you hold within through the destruction you create. Such anger will only destroy you. I will pray you will never have to suffer what so many families have suffered because of you, but I will pray that you are removed from office swiftly and that you will find yourself in a place where your destructive decisions have no impact on anyone ever again.

Just a little TLC

Jose has been home for almost two weeks now. Everything happened so fast I couldn't believe he was finally home. I kept looking at him wondering if he was some sort of hologram or robot of some sort usurping him. At first Cairo had a hard time with him being home. He would look at Jose, walk away, then come back and look at him again and then lean into him or hug him. He seemed unsure on how to treat Jose or how to act with him. I was concerned that their relationship would not be the same as it was before. Before Jose was arrested they were glued to each other, always horsing around and playing. Cairo would jump on Jose the moment he sensed Jose had his guard down. Watching them the day Jose came home was very different, Cairo was a glance short of asking permission to hug his dad. That afternoon we visited with my brother and my parents, Jose wanted to see them that day. When we finally went back home we sorted out Joses things he came home with and I decided to do laundry in the basement. Not too long after that I heard a ruckus upstairs in my room, Jose and Cairo were playing...they sounded like they were going to go through the floor. I let out a sigh of relief, they were going to be just fine.

Since Jose has been home he's:

• Cleaned out the back yard
• Cleaned out the front yard
• Cleaned out the basement
• Fixed the kitchen sink
• Fixed the tub faucet leak
• Fixed the tub drain, it was clogged pretty bad :S
• Cleaned out the gutters, they worked as pots last summer
• Removed the paint from the windows and repainted
• Organized the pantry
• Patched the front and back stairs with cement
• Replaced the siding on the little roof over our back door

And he's still going, I'm hearing talk about removing the bushes out front and replacing the sidewalk and front stairs, installing a sump pump for the rainy season....and a whole bunch of other stuff. I'm just glad he's home and keeping busy :)

We still have to go to immigration court soon and we're not exactly out of the woods with the state. We won the case, the judge found not only one of Joses rights were violated but a "slew of them" were...but we don't know if the state will appeal, we'll find out by the end of the month. We're hoping they will not appeal and drop the case, I don't see how this case, being as small as it is, is worth the time and tax money for the state to appeal. I'd like to think they have bigger fish to fry. We're praying for another miracle.

11 months, being stubborn pays off = HE'S HOME!!!!!!!!

This week marked the 11 month of Jose being in immigration detention. Since then there have been countless events which he has not been able to attend. Countless tears that have been shed and countless prayers that have been prayed by countless people who care very much about our little family. Just words of encouragement were given to us by our friends and family, telling us to hold on and keep hope and never give up.  In particular from close friends, family, Mr. Little B and all those wonderful people who I've had the pleasure of meeting at the weekly, Friday morning, immigration vigil at the Broadview Detention Center. Just as I heard words of encouragement I also heard words that were not so encouraging:

• "You're throwing your money away."
• "You could pay a coyote for the money you've spent on attorneys"
• "I've seen it happen to many others, they pay and pay and in the end they still get deported"
• "I don't think he's ever going to go home"

All that really did was make me want to prove them wrong. We had court for the criminal case last Friday, it was continued to Tuesday, the immigration court would be Wednesday, so it was cutting it pretty close. When Tuesday came around and I was sitting in the court room waiting for the decision and utter and complete miracle happened.  We won the case! As a result the immigration judge, on Wednesday set bond for Jose and as a result of that he came home today!!!!

There are no words to describe how happy Cairo and I are. I didn't tell Cairo he was coming home. I picked Jose up early in the morning and took him home. I let Cairo spend the night at my brothers house and let him stay home from school. After dropping off Jose I went to get Cairo. When we got home, I told him the reason he didn't go to school was because of the surprise inside the house. When I told him Jose was the surprise and was inside the house waiting for him he just darted to the door and ran in the house calling out "dad! dad!". It was amazing to see them together again, the two compadres. They hugged and we cried.  Cairo told Jose "I knew you would come home soon".

In the beginning Cairo didn't seem too sure of Jose. He'd walk away and come back and give him a hug. He wasn't the same old Cairo. Slowly he started warming up to Jose. They started rough housing, the house seemed like it was going to fall in pieces, and so it seemed like things were finally back to normal. 

Thank God he's finally home!!!!

9 months

We just passed the 9 month mark of our family being separated by inhumane immigration laws.  What has happened up until now has at times made us feel hopeful, hopeless and in some instances made us want to just say f**k it.

We are still trying to bring my Gordo home but we are running out of time.  His next immigration court is next week and I just want this to be all over.  I want him to be home, I want our lives to be back to normal.  The affects on Cairo have not diminished even though he is much more vocal and expresses his feelings more.  He needs to be a regular 6 year old that has both his parents at his side.  I just can't wait to see that day come, when I can tell my son that his daddy is finally coming home.

I've come to appreciate Jose so much more during this time.  As I told him in one of my recent letters, it's not because he takes out the garbage or because he helps out around the house or rescues me from spiders.  It's because he's my best friend. He's the one that makes me feel better when I'm down and helps me find a solution to any problem.  He's the one I need now during this time, not only to comfort me but so that we can tackle this situation head on together.

Today the administration announced more immigration policy changes.  Basically immigrants and their families can apply for waivers against the 3-20 year bars many are being faced with.  It's a great start and I really hope this helps out a lot of people I know who are now living in exile because of these ridiculous bars.  What bothers me is that there are so many who are basically ignored when it comes to policy change.  So far none of the policy changes made would help my family and many other families who are facing PERMANENT bars from the country.  Is it too hard to ask ICE and the federal government to at least respect state level laws when it comes to their definition of "conviction"?  They have split up immigrants into good immigrants and bad immigrants.  The problem with this is that their definition of "bad" immigrants aka those who have committed "crimes" is so broad that it is hurting people who are no threat to the community or this country.

None U.S. Citizens aka anyone with or without a valid VISA who have made poor choices in their past are now facing being barred from the country.  I'm not talking about people who have committed murder or rape or any type of violent crime.  I'm talking about people who might have driven a friend to buy a controlled substance or a person who accidentally walked out of a store without paying for one of their items.  Or someone who just made a dumb mistake that landed him in state court.  If they admit to their guilt they state normally gives them a slap on the wrist, but that slap on the wrist is enough for ICE to come looking for them, detain them, deport them and never let them back in the country even if they are married to a U.S. Citizen or have U.S. Citizen children.  Is that really fair?  Is it fair for a person who is married to a U.S. Citizen to be exiled from the country for a moment of poor judgement that was not violent or harmed anyone?  Is it fair to destroy a family over something so minor?  If the state can give that person a slap on the wrist why can't DHS?  I'm not only talking about people who have entered the country un-inspected, I'm talking about people who have student VISAS, vistors VISAS, people who are lawful permanent Residents.  Anyone who is not a U.S. Citizen can find themselves in this situation.

Again, don't get me wrong. I think these policy changes are good and hopefully will help a lot of people.  It's just that there are a lot of people who are left out and no one is really fighting for them.

As an update on the law we, we is too many, Mr. Little B and his committee, are trying to change.. it was voted upon yesterday.  I was invited to be present for the second presentation.  I don't know the results of the vote yet but from the questions and comments I'm guessing they are supporting the change.  At this point I believe they will asking the support of another group in the CBA, which I hope will also be in favor.  Once this has happened they will be looking for a legislative sponsor and there will be full blown petition signing and call your reps type of thing going on.  I'm really hoping this passes, so many people can be helped by this change in IL.

8 months

So now it's been 8 months since Jose has been detained.  I don't have any major updates on either case.  Our attorney is working on trying to get the state to help us vacate Jose's old case.  Meanwhile I've been working with immigrant groups.  I was invited to the Chicago Bar Association Human Rights Committee meeting last month to tell our story and what mandatory detention is doing to our family.  I think I did an ok job.  Everyone looked kinda depressed when I was done.

Jose's next immigration court date is Jan 11.  I went to see him yesterday, he had asked not to take Cairo because Cairo gets angry and doesn't talk to him or let me talk to him, so we decided that I'd take him every other week for now.  The focus of our conversation this time was planning out what to pack up for Jose if he is deported.  He requested I buy him some cloths, shoes and money to take to him that day.  It was like I was stabbing myself every time I said "si....si....si".  He's right, we have to be prepared for the worst and the worst is that he will be deported and forever be banned from the country.  What would happen after that? I don't know.  My Aunt is here visiting from Mexico and to be quite honest she's freaking me out.  If we were to move to Mexico, our option is Monterrey.  That is where all my family is, it's a big city (unlike where Jose is from) and we'd be able to find work...we hope...and the quality of life would not be too dramatic.  Of course it will be different, there's no denying that, but the roads are paved, there are grocery stores and schools and we'd have a washer and dryer somewhere.

Cairos anxiety is getting worse.  He's started to draw blood from ripping his nails off.  I've given him paper to tear and my friend is getting a bunch of anxiety balls for him but the paper is not helping.  When ever he's idle, in between choosing what toy to play with or watching TV or in the bathroom, he's there ripping his nails off.  I was hoping going to therapy and finally being able to see Jose would slow it down but it hasn't.  Cairo is just as angry as he was in the beginning.  He actually yelled at Jose the last time we went to see him.

I keep planning out in my head what our options are to live in Mexico.  I am not fond of what is going on down there now.  My family has quite frankly freaked me out. If we move, we'd be moving to Monterrey.  10 years ago I would have been all gun hoe about moving but now, I must admit, I'm concerned.  Jose would stay there with my family. We figure there will be a better opportunity for him to find a job there, in the big city rather than in the dirt road rancho he's from...but then what?  I know it's all doable but I'm a planner and a thinker, it sucks because that holds me back sometimes.  Will he and I be able to find jobs?  Should we try setting up a business?  What kind of business?  Will we make enough to give Cairo a decent life?  What about Cairos school?  What about the violence?  Is it really that bad?  Where would we live?  What if we have more kids?  How will Cairo deal with the change?   How long will it take for us to sell the house and move? I go over these things, over and over again....I compare my job now, where I make a decent living and have benefits, to ...... what?

I'm scared.  I'm scared of the unknown and not knowing what direction this is all going.

We got hitched!

My sister-in-law, Cairo and I drove early morning on Saturday to the detention center where Jose is currently being housed.  We were supposed to be there by 8am and arrived about a half hour early.  We were informed that it would be a while since the Judge had to look at 19 cases before we would be up in front of him.  I asked 3 different officers if they would let Cairo in with me, I was denied 3 times.  To there credit they seemed really sorry for denying the request, I understand rules are rules and they have to follow orders.

It was finally our turn, an officer came and got us.  Cairo and my sister-in-law would be allowed to watch the ceremony from another room through a window.  I walked in and saw my Gordo in his orange jump suit.  The first thing I asked was if I could hug him and I just grabbed him before they could even respond 'Yes'. Tears just came flowing and all I could do was pray that moment would last forever.  The Judge told us to hold hands and the ceremony began.  For some reason the words coming from the Judge had much more meaning and I hung on every word as we squeezed each others hand.  Finally he told Jose to kiss the bride.  He asked us to come forward to sign our names.  We hugged good-bye and that was that.

My sister-in-law said all the officers in the room with us were smiling ear to ear, there were at least 4 standing behind us.  I think there so many because Jose was not handcuffed.  I suppose we will be the talk of the town for a bit, I can't imagine they have prison weddings very often.  We couldn't stay for visitations, they were not going to be for another 2-3 hours and my sister-in-law had to go back home.  That day my co-worker stopped by with a carrot cake :D  She was so sweet, she said "I didn't know what was appropriate, so I got you cake!".  That night Cairo and went to visit a couple friends of mine.  One made me a congrats card and the other made me a mini wedding cake!  They are so funny. Plus she brought a bottle of wine to toast.  Another friend sent a gift card.  I swear this time around we got more cake, gifts and congratulations then the first time!! I am very lucky to have friends like these.  I really wish Jose was there with us to share the cakes and wine.

The next morning Cairo and I drove out to the prison again to see Jose.  We got there about 30 minutes early, some time after noon they called his name and we both jumped up.  We were sent to a room full of monitors and video cameras.  The visitation is via video....considering you are not allowed anything into the visitation room, no jackets, phones, keys...etc..God forbid we try to sneak something through the glass most prisons have.  Any way, we sat and within moments Jose was on the screen, it was great to see him again.  There was a phone to talk through, Cairo was really excited to see his dad and Jose was really happy to see us.  It was a 30 minute visit and since there are a max of 2 people who can visit him for 30 minutes a week (total, not each), we can not go back until next Sunday and they are sticklers on this rule.  I'm just glad I can see my Gordo every week until this is all over.

His next court date is Monday the 21st.  We have not heard from anyone about the old case.  I can only pray that this gets resolved soon so Jose can finally come home.

7 months

Three days ago marked the 7 month mark of Jose being under mandatory detention.  The only good news I have to give is that our marriage request was approved and he's been moved closer to home, about an hour or so away from us.

Mr. Little B and I went over to ICE on Friday and talked to the officer in charge of Joses case. She tolds us we were just approved that morning.  I talked to Jose this evening and he said he has signed all the paper work needed and all I needed to do was to drive over there and pay the $30 fee and that they would be in contact with me.  So far, they have yet to call or send me anything official so I'm giving them a few more days before I go over and ask what bloody hell?  

We also requested that Jose be moved closer.  That same day we were told he would be moved on Wednesday, as in tomorrow, but he was moved yesterday, Monday.  This kinda solidifies the horror stories I've heard about people being deported days before they were told and ICE sending their family memebers on wild goose chases across the country trying to get one last good bye before they are forever ripped apart.

My cousin and her hubby have been here for about a week, they will be leaving this Friday.  In mental preparation of the possibility of moving to Monterrey I asked them what the economy is like there and how bad is it really?  They straight forwardedly said stay here.  They said if they could they would stay here themselves.  It was not the answer I was hoping for.  I was hoping for a sign of "don't worry, you guys will be ok" or "things are slowly getting better", something like that, but no that is not what I heard.  I heard that jobs are scarce and underpaid and the violence is so bad you are a prisoner in your own home.  This puts a dent in plan B, now what do I do?  I can't imagine living my life with my husband in an another country, Jose needs his son just at much as Cairo needs his dad, yet if Jose is deported there is absolutely no way of getting him back the "legal way". What are my options?  I'm at a loss, but I feel like I need to keep fighting to keep him here and to get him back especially if living in Mexico is out of the question.

Life on pause

As each day passes it feels like our lives are on pause.  The world hustles and bustles all around us.  People going here and there, living, laughing and loving.  Women are having babies, couples are getting married.  It's happy times for most.  Men and women in a rush to get their kids to school and to work on time.  Children playing in the park while their parents watch on.  The world continues to spin on it's axis.  Day and night come and go.  As life goes on for others our lives are like this misty, stagnant fog in the center.  It doesn't quite move, it lacks color and emotion.  It doesn't move forward in great leaps but moves at a crawl when forced to.

I'm envious of those people who complain about their significant others.  How I wish to have those small and meaningless arguments about laundry and whose turn it is to wash the dishes.  If only I can pick a fight with Jose about why he insists on not moving over the extra inch to place the fork inside the sink rather than next to it.  Oh what I'd give to be able to hold his hand or hear his voice at lunch time asking how to make dinner for that night.  What I wouldn't give to call him only to find out he's at the park with Cairo and they haven't done homework yet.  I do anything to be able to come home to the biggest mess in the kitchen made by him and Cairo attempting to make something they saw on T.V.

Living life without him is just not the same.  Going to bed at night, waking up the in the morning, grocery shopping, weekends at home, evenings at the park...none of it, it's just not the same without my Gordo.  So far Jose has been absent for:

• his own birthday
• the end of spring
• a first communion
• Cairos last day of kindergarten
• my brothers birthday
• my birthday
• Cairos birthday
• my sister-in-laws birthday
• a friends baby's first birthday party
• a block party
• Cairos first day of 1st grade
• Cairo joining the Cub Scouts
• all summer
• a baptism
• several school events
• the beginning of fall

He's going to miss Halloween, going to the Circus, my cousins visit and most likely Thanksgiving.  I can only pray that he's home by Christmas.  To the outside world it looks like we are care free, with out any problems.  If you take a closer look you'll see a wife and son who are, as Cairo so well put it, crying on the inside.

Our lives are on pause and I all I want to do is hit the reset button.

Cairos Burden

Every day Cairo opens my eyes to how receptive he is and how much of this situation he is bearing on his shoulders.  The things he says can be very difficult to hear.  Not too long ago it was picture day at school.  He was very angry at having to take his picture.  He kept saying he didn't want to take his picture.  I didn't really understand why he was so upset.  A couple days ago an order form, from the photographer, came home saying "It's not too late to order!!", along with it came the wadded up order form that was supposed to be sent with Cairo on picture day.  I asked Cairo why he didn't bring the first form home.  He said he didn't bring it home because he didn't want me buying pictures, pictures cost money and we need all our money for his papi to come home.  It all made sense.  Around the same time a little girl told him she's give him a dollar to cut in line.  He took the dollar and let her cut.  He came home with the dollar saying it was a good deal because we need more dollars for his papi.  Last week as we were on our way to therapy he asked me what he could do to help his papi.  I told him the most important thing he can do is pray for him to come back.  I told him it was a job that only special people can do.  These moments give me a glimpse of the enormous burden he is carrying around every day.   He's six, he shouldn't be carrying that burden, Cairo shouldn't be worried about money or his dad.  Needless to say the dollar went back to the little girl and I ordered his school pictures.

All I want to do is lift this burden from him.  The messed up part is I can carry only so much myself. 

It's like my dad's dead

I recently wrote our states attorney for help with Jose's case.  I included how we met, why we divorced and the kind of family we are today.  I also added how this whole situation is affecting Cairo. The therapy, nail tearing, binge eating, crying, angry outbursts and the constant questions about his return...

"When is my daddy coming home?"

"Why is it taking so long?"

"I can't wait anymore, when will he be here?"

"Why won't the police let him go?"

"Is my papi a bad person?"

The day before I sent the letter out I decided to add his most recent statement to the letter.  I felt that it was appropriate.  We were on our way home and it was getting dark outside. We were listening to music, it was a pretty quite drive. Then Cairo blurted out "Mom, It's like my dad's dead, but he's not because I talk to him on the phone".  He hit the nail on the head.  I feel the same way but never vocalized it. I never imagined that he, at 6 years old, would associate his dad being in jail with him being dead. I wanted to break down and cry.  It comes to show that just because kids are quiet at times, it doesn't mean those gears are not furiously turning. It also shows that in the end, all this immigration shit, kids are the ones who ultimately suffer the most.

Fix #3

I stayed home from work today.  My body is aching.  When we bought our house back in March we were told we had to fix three things:

1. Add a monoxide detector on the main level
2. Add a smoke detector in the basement
3. Fix the cracked cement in the back

I've asked for extension after extension in hopes that Jose would be home to do the cement stuff.  It's almost 6 months later and he's still not here.  Fall is here and winter is on it's way and I've run out of extensions. So in true America fashion I waited until the last day to do fix #3.  I picked up my dad yesterday after work and in the middle of high winds and threatening rain he and I patched up the cement out back.  It took about an hour or so to do.  I did most of it and he directed.  Poor Papa is getting on with the years and he was tired just by looking at the project.  Mixing that cement has given me a new found respect for masons and laborers.  Jose was a laborer for several years and I've seen him work at my dads house.  He made it seem so easy.  He'd mix the cement like it was cake batter and put where it needed to be as if it weighed nothing.  He's going to get a kick at seeing the mess I made but at least it's done and I can get the town off my B-hind.   Lord knows if he were here it would have been done a long time ago and it would be prettier too.

He's out of solitary!!

I got a call at work from my mom yesterday.  She said Jose called saying he was released from solitary.  He had spent over a month in solitary for no real reason.  I felt relieved because now he can call home more often and his patience will not run out as long as he keeps busy.   He called home last night and it felt good to hear his voice.  Now we wait, again, to see what happens with his other case.   In a little over a week we'll have some sort of news again, this time I will be present in court.  I'm praying for a miracle.

Every night the images of seeing him released fill my mind.  From the drive to the detention center to walking into our home that he barely knows.  I see myself hugging him and I feel all the sad and depressing emotions of the months past change into joy and happiness.  The awesome feeling of telling Cairo that I will be bringing back his dad and being there after school knowing that Jose will be home waiting for him.  The look on Cairos face when he sees Jose for the first time and runs into his arms.  The tears running down Jose's face from being able to hold his son after months and months of being away. All of that comes to my mind every night.  The images of our family being together again and happy.

I promised my son that I would everything I could to bring his dad back.  I pray that I do not let him down.

The bicycle guy

Last night I got a text from my sister-in-law that read:

"I think we saved a guy from going to jail. The cops were making him read a paper that said I understand....And he clearly did not understand what they were telling him."

I called her this morning and she explained the following.

She and my brother had walked to a local store to buy some stuff they needed.  On the way back they saw 6 cops with a man (who happened to be Latino).  The man was on a bicycle and had what looked like a grocery bag.  They were asking him to read something on a card that started with "I understand...".  It was obvious that the guy had no idea was going on or what he was reading, he was butchering every word.  So my sister-in-law asked the officers if she could translate for them.  They said no, they were ok.  So my sister-in-law and my brother stayed and watched them.  After a while they told the guy to just go, and he left.

Now, I may be a little slow but you would think that if they had a reason to stop him, while on his bicycle mind you, they wouldn't have let him go.  I mean if someone reported he had shoplifted or was trying to get into parked cars or was vandalizing, they wouldn't have let him go.  This leads me to think that they probably had no real reason to stop him and were trying to force him to say he understood what was going on and then were going to arrest him.  They have Latino cops that speak Spanish, one couldn't be called in to translate? I mean they had 6 cops there already what's one more??

To me it seemed like they stopped him because they suspected he was undocumented.  It is very disappointing to see this happen.  Who do you report that to?  Is the chief telling them to do such a thing?  How many people has this been done to already?  If my sister-in-law and brother were not there watching them, what would have happened to that guy? The guy, for all I know, was probably a U.S. Resident, but maybe he wasn't.  Why are cops telling people to read off a card like that?

Cairos Birthday

Cairo turned 6 years old last week.  I was a little concerned about how he was going to be feeling not having his dad with him on that day.  My mom and sister-in-law took him out for lunch and we did something small that day at my moms house.  As it turns out as they were out having lunch Cairo did get sad, lowering his head and saying "My papi isn't here".  All my sister-in-law could do was hold him, they went home soon after that.  It broke my heart when she told me.  We can't see the emotion wounds he is carrying but they are definitely there.

Since Jose has been detained I've gotten closer to his family.  For what ever reason Jose did not keep in contact much with his siblings that live in the area but as a result of all this I've gotten closer to them.  I call his sister who recently moved out of state but I've been hanging out with his brother and his family who lives just 20 minutes away.  They offered to have a cook out for Cairos birthday, I couldn't say no.  I wasn't planning on doing something big for his birthday.  My plan was to have a party if Jose was going to be home but if he wasn't then I was going to take Cairo and a couple of his best buds out for a movie, food and ice cream.  Something small with family seemed like a good idea.


This past Saturday my brother, sister-in-law, mom, Cairo and I headed over to my brother-in-laws house.  I decided to make Cairos cake.  It was my first time making a cake for Cairo.  I had already done one for my mom, dad and sister-in-law, but I was really scared of making one for Cairo because...well...it's for Cairo and it had to be perfect!  Any way I made the cake.  It was the first time my family was going to meet my brother-in-law.  It was very nostalgic for every one.  My brother-in-law looks just like Jose, Jose is younger by about 5 years but they look very much alike. They talk the same, their mannerisms, expressions, everything, even the way they laugh and joke are the same.  Over and over you'd hear my mom say "OMG you're just like Jose" or "Jose is the same way".,  It got to the point that I had to apologize for my family comparing them over and over again.  My brother-in-law and his family understood.

It's very bitter sweet seeing Cairo with his Tio.  The first time we had gone to their home I wanted to cry.  It was like looking at an older Jose.  The first thing Cairo said was "you look like my dad.  Why do you look like my dad?".  My brother-in-law burst out laughing and told him because they were brothers.  Similarly when Cairo saw his dad after 3 months he told him "Dad!  I saw your brother and his face is like your face!!  Jose just laughed. Cairo was very excited. They are both very excited with each other. Cairo has another great uncle and my brother-in-law has a little boy to do boy stuff with. He has a daughter and even though she's the apple of his eye he's taking the time to get to know Cairo and do "guy" stuff.  Stuff Cairo would normally be doing with his dad.

Seeing them interact makes me feel like Cairo will have another male role model in his immediate life if Jose will not be allowed to stay us.  Thinking that way makes me feel like I am giving up or betraying Jose in some way.  Cairo needs his dad and no matter how well of a relationship he has with either of his uncles, it will not be the same.  Cairo needs Jose.

Jose didn't call on Cairos birthday. I knew he wouldn't have missed it if could help it.  I'm sure they didn't let him call.  You lose precious calling home privs when you're in the hole.  The last time he had called was Monday night.  When we got home on Saturday night we had a missed call from him.  It was a weird feeling because I felt relieved because the call meant he was still alive but sad because I didn't know when he'd be allowed to call home again.  My worst fear is that something bad happens to him while detained...I know the odds of him being killed there is probably slim but that's what I worry about when I don't hear from him. I worry that something has happened to him, he's sick or God forbid in a fight of some sort.  Luckily he called again on Sunday afternoon.  Cairo answered the phone while I was cutting down the jungle that grew in our yard. He came out yelling "Mom! Mom! My dad called and he said happy birthday to me!!!", then he passed the phone to me and I got to talk to my Gordo for a good 10 minutes, he was ok but still in the hole.  When we hung up I just cried and cried.

In less than two weeks we'll know if Jose will be allowed bond or not.  I'm praying for a miracle. 

Tweeting the devil and the Wasilewski family

I was able to attend todays immigration vigil downtown.  Every Friday a group of people gather at the downtown court house and pray for the families affected by current immigration laws.  Immigrants are deported from the building some during the day on Fridays.  Mr. Little B has a solid attendance rate, I've only been able to go a couple times because of morning issues, like actually getting up early enough to make it there on time and getting Cairo out of bed.

I made it a point to go today because I knew the Wasilewski family was going to be there. I got my butt up and got to the blue line in time to get there. The Wasilewski family was there, it brought me to tears to see them. When everything was done I walked over to Janina and welcomed her back.  She gave me a big hug and I told her that I am very happy they were together again and she had a beautiful family.  She asked me what my story was and I explained, of course I started to tear up and she gave me a big hug.  She gave me hope with her words.  I will keep her in my thoughts and I am very grateful I got to meet them.  Brian is very cute, he reminded me of Cairo, I wanted to squeeze him but I restrained myself because well you know he's 10 and I didn't want to freak him out.

I talked to Mr. Little B before he left.  Jose did not call yesterday, I don't think he was allowed and I really don't think he would have missed calling Cairo on his birthday.  So I'm sure Jose was not allowed to call home, he's still in the hole.  He said to document everything, it's our only way of fighting back in the end.  During the vigil Mr. Little B suggested as every one does, to contact our local reps and senators about CIR, "Silence is acceptance".  Email, send letters and/or tweet every day, he said.  So I am taking it upon myself to tweet as many times as I remember....like just now....to tweet:  

We need #CIR,  stop #deportations! @RepMikeQuigley @SenatorDurbin @SenatorReid @SenatorSanders @Kirk4senate @LamarSmithTX21 #immigration

As you can see I've included Mr. Lamar Smith.  I invite you to do the same.  BTW you will have to change your tweet slightly if you want to keep retweeting it.  I just discovered that as I just.....retweeted it.

Tri County Detention Center

Driving out of the neighborhood

**Edit** Two weeks ago Thursday (Not last Thursday) I spoke to Mr. Little B.  We talked about Jose's skin infection that continues to go on untreated.  He said if I could see it with my own eyes we might be able to get Jose out for medical treatment.  It's a 6 hr drive, one way.  It was Thursday evening, Jose was going to have court that Monday so you know what I did?  I got my butt on the road the next morning and headed to Tri County Detention Center in Ullin, IL.  My brother, Chris, was awesome enough to take the trip with me....more like drive me down there.  He's a truck driver, a pretty damn good one at that, and he was used to driving for a ton of hours at time.  There's no one else I would have wanted on this trip with me.

I was a little weirded out that I would be taking a 12+ hr round road trip with my brother.  Never in my life did I think we would be doing something like that and considering how *well* we get along I was more concerned about being left on the side of the road in the middle of no where.  Obviously that didn't happen :D

The drive out of the city was pretty decent, we left his house about 10AM.  Filled the tank and headed to the highway.  As we're driving out I started having all kinds of thoughts.  This was our first conversation:

Driving out of the city

Me: Dude, I feel bad for mom.

Chris: What? why?

Me: Well you  know, we're her only kids.

Chris: Yeah, so?

Me: Well...what if something happens to us?

*Silence*

Chris: Why you gotta be so negative?

Corn feilds!!

As we're driving we spotted a Sheriffs van, and all kinds of theories started pouring out of us as to where they were going.  At first we though they were hauling more people down to Tri County....yeah I know we just started our trip and we were already on the immigration defense bandwagon.  Along the way the scenery was pretty peaceful.  Lot's of corn fields and farms.  I do have to say I did see a sign along the highway that said....and I quote...."Prepare for War".  Sadly I couldn't take a picture of it. We were on a mission, a 6 hr drive, one way, mission.  Plus I didn't see it until it was super close and we zoomed by it pretty quick.  If you're following me on twitter, you saw my comment about that.

Chris afer the Bohemian Rhapsody Rock out Session

I'm amazed almost every single exit had a McDonalds...that's where we stopped for lunch.  Did't take a picture if it cuz, well, you know they're EVERY WHERE.  I have to say I give my brother lots of props for being focused on this driving.  We didn't need to get gas until we were about 3/4 into our trip.  So close yet so far away I kept thinking.  We didn't really need a GPS, the drive is essentially a straight shot off if 57 but we used it along the way for sanity and to see what gas stations and restaurants were up ahead.  Apparently Big Red drinks Shell only and we were damn near close to being stranded in the middle of no where with no survival gear.  Now that I think about it my friend over at the Esteveban Files needs to do a post about that.  Yeah I'm plugging my friends blog, I listen to what he says and I'm still alive...nuff said.  We got to a gasoline station and the whole way this dumb broad (yeah it's a female voice)  kept saying "Road Recalculation"...it was annoying, we knew what we were doing after all,  but we let her slide.  She's finally happy when we get back on 57 South.

Tri County Detention Center

When we got to our exit, thank GOD,  the creepy voice coming from the electrical device tells us to go left when we need to go right.  Good thing we had a printed map that Chris looked at before taking off....so we went right.  Drove less than a mile and got to Tri County Detention Center.  The place is a lot smaller than what I expected.  It's about the size of a Walmart.  Barbed wire all over the place.  We arrived just before 4pm, visiting hours are 5pm - 9pm we went inside any way and there was girl in the office. I told her we drove for 6 hours and were there to visit someone.  Apparently they  make no exceptions.  You don't get in before 5 pm.  I understood, I was still annoyed none the less, she's just doing her job right?  Well come 4pm she locked the doors and left.  Someone was supposed to come at 5pm to open up shop.  We headed to the gasoline station that was less than a block or so away for a break.  We stayed there for a bit and went back.  The lot was still empty the doors were still locked.  After we parked we saw a van, driven by officers, come int. It had a couple guys in there, we figured they were restocking the money makers.  Not too long after that another van left with some more guys in the back dressed in prison cloths, so we guessed they were being taken to another facility or into the city.  Then the worst thought came into my head "What if he's not even here anymore?".

By the time 5pm came a couple cars showed up with two families.  We all waited at the door but no one came to unlock the door.  I asked the other families if it was there first time there, they said no.  So I asked if they were punctual at opening the doors, they said "nope".  I also asked them what kind of a "detention center" this was.  I thought it was odd that a "detention center" would have barbed wire all over the place.  They responded that they held all kinds of prisoners but "they mostly hold immigrants, cuz you know they get a lot of money for them".  Needless to say that Cuentames Immigrants for Sale Video came to mind.

Barney Fife finally came to open the door.  We showed him our IDs, he signed us in and took Chris's car keys.  The metal detector didn't work so he used a wand on us which kept backfiring because it kept detecting his keys.  After he was done scanning everyone he led us to another room where he radioed for the door to open then to another, finally we were in room filled with smaller 6'X6' rooms made of cement block.  We entered the last room in the row and waited.  There was a phone and a 12"X12" window.  As we waited it started to hit Chris where we were and why.  The same thing happened to me the first time I went to see Jose a the local prison he was being held before being transferred to Tri County.  It doesn't really hit you until you are there going through the process of seeing the person and then your loved one is actually there.

 Jose, finally, was brought in.  Let's just say the look on his face was priceless.  He didn't know we were going to be there so he was totally surprised.  His eyes started to tear up the moment he saw us and of course I started to cry.   I got to see the back of his head which, I admit, I wished was worse.  It did look too bad but  it looks to be spreading.  I didn't think it was bad enough to get him out for medical attention but we'll see.  We talked for the allowed time, Chris and I took turns on the phone and Jose was just really happy to see us there.  I would have taken Cairo with me but I didn't think he could handle the ride.  We said our good byes and we were back on the road.  I wished we could have brought him back home with us.  I can not wait for that day when he's home and Cairo can finally hug and squeeze his dad.


On the way back we had dinner at a Steak N Shake (yes I had a shake), saw a beautiful sunset, found ourselves in a thunder storm and saw some awesome lightening.  I tried to get a picture of lightening but it would refuse to show itself when ever I got ready for a shot.  Oh well.  We hit some traffic when we got to 55, which is beyond me why there were so many people out and about at 1am, I wanted to get to my bed and these people were getting in my way.  I got home and was in bed by 2am.

I LOVE YOU GORDO!

4 months and counting

It's been 4 months since Jose was arrested.  He had court on the first of the month, it was continued to next month.  We are still praying for  miracle.  He was actually brought into court this time so I brought Cairo with me so they could see each other.  The attorney spoke to someone who allowed us to see him in the "visiting room", which is no different than a prison visiting room, complete with phones to talk through and glass dividers.

When we walked in, Jose was there waiting for us.  When Cairo saw him he stood stunned, not knowing what to do with himself.  He refused to speak and at one point refused to even look at Jose.  His nervousness kicked in and started tearing at his already practically bleeding nails.  This is a new habit he's developed in the last few weeks. Both my mom and my sister-in-law were there, we were all crying our eyes out.  It had been 4 months since Cairo and Jose had seen each other.  Finally Cairo felt comfortable enough to talk to his father, at that point we couldn't get him off the phone.  It was a bitter sweet moment.  Then the time came to be in the court room and Cairo behaved like a little gentleman but the look on his face when he saw his father handcuffed hurt me to the core.  Why did they have to hand cuff him? He has no history of violence not to mention all the armed officers he'd run into, if he dare make a break for it.  It all just seemed so exaggerated.  Plus we couldn't even hug him, give him a kiss on the cheek...he was less then 6 feet away from us and Cairo was not allowed to hug his daddy.

Throughout hearing they kept making googly eyes at each other, smiled  and blew each other kisses.  Then it was time to say good-bye....in that cold, spirit killing visiting room.  Jose would be driven back, 6 hrs to the detention center and we would be on the train back home with out him.

Our looong story

I met Jose at a neighbors birthday party.  My family was there I arrived after spending all day studying at school, I was an undergrad at UIC.  My parents had already known Jose.  All I would hear after school is "Jose this" and "Jose that", I was a little annoyed to be honest but I had to see what all the hub-bub was about, so I made it a point to go and see who this famous Jose was.

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was in the living room talking to some people and in burst this annoyingly funny guy wearing part of a piñata on his head trying to scare one of the guys that was there.  I got one look at him and I thought to myself "is this it?", I wasn't impressed to say the least. Not too long after that, I was on summer vacation and my dad asked him to help out with project at our house.  The man was to dig a hole in the front yard for a sump pump.  Jose dug that hole with a steady pace and ease.  I was the water girl and watched every moment, needless to say he got my attention.  We started dating by the end of summer by the following year we were married.  I started the process to get Jose a green card then.  We didn't continue because Jose would have to leave the country for 10 years before I could complete the process.  This is one of those things a lot of people don't know.  This is why there are so many people who are still undocumented even though they have U.S. Citizen spouses and children.  Marrying a U.S. citizen does not automatically get a person a green card.  This cartoon does a decent job at explaining the process for people who want to come to the U.S (not for those who are already here).

Two years after we were married Cairo was born.  Two years after that we were divorced.  Don't get me wrong I loved him very much and I'm sure he loved me, but he had a lot of growing up to do and I got tired of waiting.  Quite frankly I didn't think Jose would ever change, he was a grown man set in his ways.  We were separated for about a year and during that year Jose was more involved in our lives than when we were living together.  He spent as much time as he could with Cairo.  Shoot, he even started to get along with my family.  He did as much as he could to help my brother at his house, Cairo and I were living there.  Jose shoveled snow, cut grass, painted rooms, fixed this and that.  He was around a whole lot during that year.   After that year we decided to give our relationship another try, I did still love him after all and we had Cairo who desperately loves him.   We got ourselves an apartment and there we were again at square one with a toddler.  In these last couple of years Jose showed me he did grow up.  He was more involved at home and with my family.  We spent almost every weekend at my parents house and we even went camping a few times.  Finally we were a family.  We decided we wanted to buy a house and we did March 17, 2011.  March 25th we moved in and 11 days later....well here we are.  Jose's in an immigration "detention center" (it's a prison no matter what you call it), I'm writing a blog and Cairo has started seeing a therapist at the age of 5.

The thing that bothers me the most about this whole ordeal is finding out how unjust the laws in place are.  You would think that once we were married and I started the process to get Jose a green card that there shouldn't be any hurdles.  Yet there is, a 10 year long hurdle.  Of course there is a waiver but good luck getting that accepted.   Even now, if we can not keep Jose here, he would be at least banned for 10 years before I could petition for him to come home, that would mean Cairo would be 16 years old by the time his dad could come live with us in the house we bought.  The other option would be to go live in Mexico, although if this were 10 maybe 5 years ago I might have jumped on the band wagon but considering all this stuff that's going on there (**warning, link contains violent images**), I'm scared out of my wits.  I don't know how the families who are already there do it.

Jose is not a bad guy, he has a good heart, is a good dad and a good husband to me.   He is my and Cairos family and we love each other very much.  Sure he's made mistakes in the past but who hasn't?  I've forgiven him, why can't our government?  The problem with this government is that it does everything it can to make it damn near impossible to progress.  Criminalizing moral decisions is not the role of government.  Far too many minorities are criminalized for minor drug charges.  The gap in sentencing between social classes and minorities is far is too large.   Undocumented immigrants are held in "detention centers" but are treated like terrorists.

It's sad that people who are residents or naturalized citizens have this false sense of security.  Any mistake, no matter how minor could be a slap on the wrist for an American but it means deportation for them.