As each day passes it feels like our lives are on pause. The world hustles and bustles all around us. People going here and there, living, laughing and loving. Women are having babies, couples are getting married. It's happy times for most. Men and women in a rush to get their kids to school and to work on time. Children playing in the park while their parents watch on. The world continues to spin on it's axis. Day and night come and go. As life goes on for others our lives are like this misty, stagnant fog in the center. It doesn't quite move, it lacks color and emotion. It doesn't move forward in great leaps but moves at a crawl when forced to.
I'm envious of those people who complain about their significant others. How I wish to have those small and meaningless arguments about laundry and whose turn it is to wash the dishes. If only I can pick a fight with Jose about why he insists on not moving over the extra inch to place the fork inside the sink rather than next to it. Oh what I'd give to be able to hold his hand or hear his voice at lunch time asking how to make dinner for that night. What I wouldn't give to call him only to find out he's at the park with Cairo and they haven't done homework yet. I do anything to be able to come home to the biggest mess in the kitchen made by him and Cairo attempting to make something they saw on T.V.
Living life without him is just not the same. Going to bed at night, waking up the in the morning, grocery shopping, weekends at home, evenings at the park...none of it, it's just not the same without my Gordo. So far Jose has been absent for:
- his own birthday
- the end of spring
- a first communion
- Cairos last day of kindergarten
- my brothers birthday
- my birthday
- Cairos birthday
- my sister-in-laws birthday
- a friends baby's first birthday party
- a block party
- Cairos first day of 1st grade
- Cairo joining the Cub Scouts
- all summer
- a baptism
- several school events
- the beginning of fall
He's going to miss Halloween, going to the Circus, my cousins visit and most likely Thanksgiving. I can only pray that he's home by Christmas. To the outside world it looks like we are care free, with out any problems. If you take a closer look you'll see a wife and son who are, as Cairo so well put it, crying on the inside.
Our lives are on pause and I all I want to do is hit the reset button.
I know how you feel. Me ande Javier were together almost every day for 4 years. It was so hard to go to events, go to eat by myself, or having to get together with his family without him. Your are not alone in this. Take care.
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