Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Valentines Day 2012

Yesterday was Valentines Day. Sunday night Cairo and I made a Valentines Day card for Jose which he should be getting today. I kinda dropped the ball on that one and should have sent it on Friday or Saturday, in my defense last week I was thinking "oh it's not for another week, we have plenty of time!"...uh yeah right.

I know it was a good thing to sit with Cairo and make the cards but I didn't think it was going to be so emotional for him. Chris, my brother, has been picking him up from school for me and Monday night,when they got to Chris's house, my sister-in-law said Cairo was in tears, he went on an emotional rant about how it was Valentines and we made cards and his papi isn't here...etc.  She asked him if he was feeling that way all day at school and he said no, walking up the stairs made him think of his papi.  It broke her heart and mine when she told me.

Yesterday morning was bitter sweet. Jose called before we headed out for school. It was awesome hearing his voice in the morning. I hadn't gone to see him on Sunday because his brother and cousin went to visit him. His voice sounded like home in my ear. I was in tears after we hung up. When I got home from work there was a letter waiting for me from him, it contained a beautiful drawing of a heart and rose.

This is another holiday that not even when we were separated were we apart.  I remember clearly that year, I was living in my brothers house during that time, and when I got home from work there were a dozen red roses in my room. I remember having this enormous smile and thinking "jerk". He was wiggling his way back into my heart....he never really left it, but he didn't know that...or so I thought. We had been separated for four months by then. It was a weird time in our lives, we were separated but together. We were just kidding ourselves...or he was just letting me go through the motions, waiting for me to come home. Now, Cairo and I are the ones waiting for him to come home.  If only it were only up to his will for it to happen.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

10 months

It has been 10 months since Jose was ripped out of our lives. Almost a year! Cairo has since grown up some and his little personality has really started to shine. He's become this little man with such a strong personality, I really wish Jose was here to see that. The household responsibilities have, of course, become all mine. From washing dishes, cooking, to mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow. Cairo helps in what ever he can, I'm not sure if it's because he feels a need to help or because he thinks it looks fun and wants to try doing something himself.

Even though it's been almost a year since Jose has set a single foot in this house his absence is just as strongly felt. When we go grocery shopping or when we sit around watching movies on the weekend, he is sorely missed. The emptiness is still there, following us around were ever we go. I've gotten to know his family more now.  I've seen my brother-in-law and his family and my sister-in-law and her family more in the last months than in the 10 years I've been with Jose.  They are great and I love hanging out with them and Cairo is just ecstatic with his cousins and uncles and aunts. No matter how much we see them, no matter how many dinners and outings and movies we watch together and games we play together the hole is still there.

Friday night I had to tell Jose about the monster. He was hurt really bad, he was angry and disappointed. I can't imagine what he must be going through.  It's hard enough to be out here and to feel that disappointment, but we're free. He's locked up with no way to express his emotions, he can't just walk it off or cry into a pillow or hug someone. He's trapped.

Now what? Well, we will be in immigration court tomorrow afternoon.  The judge will want to know what happened with this case from Friday and we will have to tell him that we were denied. Mr. Little B. will do what he can to stall to give Tim time to work and is even planning on challenging the supreme court decision that says probation is a conviction even though state says it's not.  There is also an amendment out there to the Post-Conviction Relief Act that is being supported by many groups, like the CBA.  Mr. Little B and others began this process some time ago and now they are looking for a sponsor for the amendment.  As I described before there are limitations to the Act as it is now. We want an amendment that will allow people to bring forth a petition under the act when ever the find out their rights were violated, as in Joses case.  This doesn't mean that anyone will be able to get their cases vacated.  It means people who believe their rights were violated will be able to at least get their foot in the door to be heard, and if it is found that their rights were violated and their cases are vacated it means the charges *can* be brought back and they might have to fight their case all over again. So it's not an eraser it's a basically a do over for people whose rights have been violated.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

The Monster Attacks

Yesterday, I sat in my car waiting to pick up Cairo from school. It had been four days since I'd seen him because I was out of town for work since Monday. I didn't get much sleep the last few nights. Not only was I alone in a hotel all week but we went to court Friday morning in hopes to vacate Joses "conviction", which isn't a conviction under state law but immigration says it is. I envisioned picking up Cairo and being happy to see my changuito and being over whelmingly happy because we were able to vacate the conviction in the morning That's not what played out. I am happy to see my baby but we were not able to vacate the conviction.

I sat in that court room for two hours waiting for Joses name to be called. When they finally did four attorneys stood up. Tim, two attorneys from his firm and Mr. Little B. It all started well, the judge agreed with us and the prosecuting attorney argued gentley. It looked like she was complying with the negotiation she agreed to. I thought we were going to be in the clear and finally Jose would be able to come home. Then all of a sudden the prosecuting attorneys deminor changed, she became animated and began to vigorsly argue. She had realized the judge was in our favor. As our team argued back with valid points she argued irrelevant ones. She became this monster who was refusing to be beat, we would win over her dead body. This went on for quite some time until the judge decided to make his decision. Although he whole heartily agreed with us and wanted to help, our request was DENIED. I was stunned and tears that started to roll when the monster appeared became a steady steam. Jose will not be coming home next week.

Outside the court room Mr. Little B tore into the prosecutor like a lion protecting his pride. I didn't know what was going on since I was talking to Tim but apparently her smug smile and laughing at how she won the case with the other prosecutors made him lose his temper. I spoke with Mr. Little B. later last night, he confirmed what I was seeing from the side lines. It was all about her ego. Because of her ego she threw our agreement out the window. Because of her ego Joses "conviction" was not vacated. Because of her ego Jose is not coming home. What did the state gain from this? Is justice really being served? To who? The cop who arrested Jose? The attorney who told Jose to plead guilty? Or maybe the judge who ordered the probation? Perhaps it's the piece of paper that says probation is not a conviction even though immigration says it is? Because other than that, no one else was involved with the "crime".

Tim seems to think the judge "insinuated" another solution to our problem. He's going to try again within a week or two. I don't know what it involves but to be honest, seeing what happened yesterday has made me lose faith in the justice system and quite frankly in this country. It seems dead set on continuing to torture my family and keeping us apart. It doesn't care that my sons fingers are bleeding because he rips his nails off to deal with the loss of this father. It doesn't care that I haven't slept in almost a year because my husband is locked up some where for something so stupid and minor. It doesn't care that he will forever be barred from coming back to this "wonderful" country. Needless to say, I was happy to see my son again yesterday, but I am completely and utterly devastated on the inside. All I want to do was to hug Jose and sob, but I can't and all I can do is sob silently by myself.