The eye of the storm.

What can I say? Things are good now. Jose started working, thankfully, I still have my job and Cairo is on summer vacation. Things seem relatively normal. Every now and then I remember this is not over. We still have to be back in court some time next year, then I get a little scared because I don't know what is going to happen then.

I don't really say anything to Jose, but I'm afraid that our life as we now know it is just the eye of the storm. It's calm now but that day will be here when we least expect it and we can be thrown into all kinds of chaos all over again. Cairo and I are still going to therapy. He's doing so much better, he's started being ok being away from us over night. It's a slow process and he's a smart strong little guy. I'm sure he's going to come out of this ok.

I'm going to the immigration vigil tomorrow. We had been going kind of often but then Jose started to work. Since we only have the one care we're basically up at 5am, we drop off Cairo with Grandma or Auntie, Jose drops me off at the train and then he's off to work. It's nice that I can get out of work super early but poor Cairo is up way to early and he's going to start school soon, which is going to complicate things a little more. The good thing is I'm better at timing myself to get to the right bus or train so I don't miss the other train or bus I need to catch to get home :) Anyways...as I was saying....I'm going to the vigil tomorrow. The Cardinal is going to be there and he's looking forward to meeting some of the families that have been affected by current immigration policy. I'm looking forward to meeting him.

Permiso

Jose called me at work and said he had a surprise for me. The first thing that came to mind was he most likely tore down a wall or opened up the attic or something crazy like that. When I got there he had a huge smile on his face. I asked him where my surprise was. He laughed, walked into the bedroom and came back with a couple of envelopes. His work permit finally arrived! I was so happy for him! He said he jumped for joy all by himself in the kitchen. With that in hand we went and applied for his social security number.

The guy in the social security office was a total jerk. He explained he had to ask questions and we had to answer honestly and that if we misinformed him in any way, it was a felony and could mean jail time blah blah blah. We said ok. One of the questions was if this was Jose's first time in the United States. We said yes. I mean there was a time he wasn't in the U.S. and then a time when he was and that was it, so to me the answer was yes. Well this jerk went on "reminding" us of what he had told us before..."Do you remember what I told you in the beginning? What did I tell you? Did you hear the question?" He was a complete jerk, I don't know what answer he was looking for but I don't know how the answer can be something other than yes considering Jose has never left the country.  I wanted to give him a piece of my mind but I didn't want to mess up Jose's chance of getting a social but WTF???

Anyway, we are now just counting down the days for when it finally arrives and he can finally get a drivers license and probably get back to work. I pray things continue to move forward in a positive way, that's all I ask.

It's just not effing enough

I read this article on a family from South Africa who were denied residency after coming to the US on an L-1 Visa. It's a great example on how a person can go from being a legal visa holder to limbo status in this country. It shows that not all mixed status people without documents are people who snuck across the border in the dead of night to steal white American babies for drug mules.

What get's me is the comments on this article. Day after day these people cry out "get in line", "why can't you come here the legal way?". Finally we see a family who played by their rules. They stay. They are productive. They create jobs. They pay taxes. They educate their children. They are independent from government assistance. Now that that the family is denied residency the trolls declare "get out!". Even when presented by a family who made it through the line and jumped through the vicious hoops, these people refuse to recognize the failing system.

Here are few comments:

"You've had TEN years to become "legal" .... too busy???

Adios ...."

"I see you as 10x worse of my "illegals" in this country....You should be the first that goes....you did "play by the rules" to get here, but have decided that NOW you disagree with the rules that got you here......

GO HOME"

"You have stolen from citizens. Please leave."

They show how ignorant the commenters are about the whole system. The sad part is no matter how sad the story or how well the story shows the broken system for what it is, it will never be enough for the "antis". They will never see the broken system, they will only see the "criminals" who are in their country illegally, killing them and mooching off the system.

Cairo and America miss Jose - One year later

Wow, early this month marked the anniversary of when Jose was pulled over. I can't believe the drastic change between then and now. He's been home for 4 weeks now and it's like he was never gone. Looking back I remember the feeling of hopelessness and frustration. Seeing the pain this has caused on my son, who was 5 years old at the time, was killing me slowly. My thoughts ran drastically from one place to another. One moment I would refuse to let Jose go and at another I would think F*** IT, we'll make due in Mexico one way or another. Sometimes I would imagine us there and how we would live, I would get scarred of not being able to provide for Cairo. I would cry at the thought of him trying to make his way back only for him to never make it home. At other times I would envision us here, home, living our lives like we did before. I would see us going camping and on family vacations, cooking out in our yard and playing at the park.

When Jose was gone we didn't really live, being on our own made our lives chaotic. We were always rushing to places, school, work etc... We didn't seem to have time to do anything outside of school and work. I didn't see Cairo being an average child, doing activities at school or outside of school. I didn't have time to do those things with him because we were always rushing. Now that Jose is home life is so different. I feel more at peace, life is not as rushed. Cairo is one hundred times happier. He no longer puts himself on time outs and he's slowed down on ripping his nails off, they don't bleed any more, he's too busy to pick at them.

Both Jose and I had our emotional roller coasters during this time and we both became angry with ourselves and, at times, with God. An experience like this really makes you look at yourself and your beliefs. It makes you ask those questions of why? Why is this happening? Why is this being allowed to happen? It also makes you doubt what you believe and what you want to believe. These questions, which were asked over and over in my mind, in particular when doors were harshly shut in our faces, made me pray even harder. Yes I was angry and doubtful but it didn't make me stop praying and asking for help. This past year was one of the worst years of my life, but now that I look back at it I can see how both Jose and I have changed for the best. Our family is more united than it was before and we feel completely and utterly blessed for this second chance of being together. Now I can say that I am grateful to God, now that Jose is home and in a way this experience has reinforced faith in me some how, yet I wonder how would I feel if Jose was not home? How would I feel if he were in still in jail or in Mexico? Would I still be praying for his return or would the little faith I had before this be obliterated? I hope that question will never have an answer, for now I will keep on praying....for Jose, Cairo, my family and everyone else needing support and love.

Immigration Detention: Good old fashion vacation!

Apparently ICE as developed new guidelines on how immigrants should be treated while be held in detention. For years this has been referred to as a "detention" but when you get down to it people are being IMPRISONED. The House Judiciary Committee Chairman is Rep Lamar Smith from Texas and according to him:

"The Obama administration’s new detention manual is more like a hospitality guideline for illegal immigrants.  The administration goes beyond common sense to accommodate illegal immigrants and treats them better than citizens in federal custody. "

Mr. Smith, I beg to differ. When my husband was held for almost a year he was held in county JAILS where he was treated worse than an animal. He was fed just enough food to keep him alive. He did not receive adequate medical treatment for a skin infection he developed upon beginning his "holiday". He was verbally abused and was not even allowed to feel the warmth of the sun or breath clean air. He wore prison clothing and was put in solitary confinement when ever the guards deemed it so, God forbid anyone made too much noise with their playing cards or accidentally kicked a door or put their foot on a chair. My son ripped at his nails until they bled. I was sleep deprived for almost a year and now we live in constant fear my husband may be ripped from our lives once more. Mr. Smith, this is no "holiday" and to even think it as so is disrespectful, cynical and down right insulting.

What you are doing, Mr. Smith, is wrong, inhumane and goes against every moral fiber that made this country what it is today. There is a better way of handling this countries immigration problems. Criminalizing immigrants, holding them in prisons and destroying families is not the way. We all have choices in life and our choices bring one of two things: Peace or Destruction. Your choices have not brought peace and are destroying families all across this country. You believe you are doing what is right but your decisions have unforeseen consequences.

I pity you, Mr. Smith. We can see the anger you hold within through the destruction you create. Such anger will only destroy you. I will pray you will never have to suffer what so many families have suffered because of you, but I will pray that you are removed from office swiftly and that you will find yourself in a place where your destructive decisions have no impact on anyone ever again.

Just a little TLC

Jose has been home for almost two weeks now. Everything happened so fast I couldn't believe he was finally home. I kept looking at him wondering if he was some sort of hologram or robot of some sort usurping him. At first Cairo had a hard time with him being home. He would look at Jose, walk away, then come back and look at him again and then lean into him or hug him. He seemed unsure on how to treat Jose or how to act with him. I was concerned that their relationship would not be the same as it was before. Before Jose was arrested they were glued to each other, always horsing around and playing. Cairo would jump on Jose the moment he sensed Jose had his guard down. Watching them the day Jose came home was very different, Cairo was a glance short of asking permission to hug his dad. That afternoon we visited with my brother and my parents, Jose wanted to see them that day. When we finally went back home we sorted out Joses things he came home with and I decided to do laundry in the basement. Not too long after that I heard a ruckus upstairs in my room, Jose and Cairo were playing...they sounded like they were going to go through the floor. I let out a sigh of relief, they were going to be just fine.

Since Jose has been home he's:

• Cleaned out the back yard
• Cleaned out the front yard
• Cleaned out the basement
• Fixed the kitchen sink
• Fixed the tub faucet leak
• Fixed the tub drain, it was clogged pretty bad :S
• Cleaned out the gutters, they worked as pots last summer
• Removed the paint from the windows and repainted
• Organized the pantry
• Patched the front and back stairs with cement
• Replaced the siding on the little roof over our back door

And he's still going, I'm hearing talk about removing the bushes out front and replacing the sidewalk and front stairs, installing a sump pump for the rainy season....and a whole bunch of other stuff. I'm just glad he's home and keeping busy :)

We still have to go to immigration court soon and we're not exactly out of the woods with the state. We won the case, the judge found not only one of Joses rights were violated but a "slew of them" were...but we don't know if the state will appeal, we'll find out by the end of the month. We're hoping they will not appeal and drop the case, I don't see how this case, being as small as it is, is worth the time and tax money for the state to appeal. I'd like to think they have bigger fish to fry. We're praying for another miracle.

11 months, being stubborn pays off = HE'S HOME!!!!!!!!

This week marked the 11 month of Jose being in immigration detention. Since then there have been countless events which he has not been able to attend. Countless tears that have been shed and countless prayers that have been prayed by countless people who care very much about our little family. Just words of encouragement were given to us by our friends and family, telling us to hold on and keep hope and never give up.  In particular from close friends, family, Mr. Little B and all those wonderful people who I've had the pleasure of meeting at the weekly, Friday morning, immigration vigil at the Broadview Detention Center. Just as I heard words of encouragement I also heard words that were not so encouraging:

• "You're throwing your money away."
• "You could pay a coyote for the money you've spent on attorneys"
• "I've seen it happen to many others, they pay and pay and in the end they still get deported"
• "I don't think he's ever going to go home"

All that really did was make me want to prove them wrong. We had court for the criminal case last Friday, it was continued to Tuesday, the immigration court would be Wednesday, so it was cutting it pretty close. When Tuesday came around and I was sitting in the court room waiting for the decision and utter and complete miracle happened.  We won the case! As a result the immigration judge, on Wednesday set bond for Jose and as a result of that he came home today!!!!

There are no words to describe how happy Cairo and I are. I didn't tell Cairo he was coming home. I picked Jose up early in the morning and took him home. I let Cairo spend the night at my brothers house and let him stay home from school. After dropping off Jose I went to get Cairo. When we got home, I told him the reason he didn't go to school was because of the surprise inside the house. When I told him Jose was the surprise and was inside the house waiting for him he just darted to the door and ran in the house calling out "dad! dad!". It was amazing to see them together again, the two compadres. They hugged and we cried.  Cairo told Jose "I knew you would come home soon".

In the beginning Cairo didn't seem too sure of Jose. He'd walk away and come back and give him a hug. He wasn't the same old Cairo. Slowly he started warming up to Jose. They started rough housing, the house seemed like it was going to fall in pieces, and so it seemed like things were finally back to normal. 

Thank God he's finally home!!!!

Valentines Day 2012

Yesterday was Valentines Day. Sunday night Cairo and I made a Valentines Day card for Jose which he should be getting today. I kinda dropped the ball on that one and should have sent it on Friday or Saturday, in my defense last week I was thinking "oh it's not for another week, we have plenty of time!"...uh yeah right.

I know it was a good thing to sit with Cairo and make the cards but I didn't think it was going to be so emotional for him. Chris, my brother, has been picking him up from school for me and Monday night,when they got to Chris's house, my sister-in-law said Cairo was in tears, he went on an emotional rant about how it was Valentines and we made cards and his papi isn't here...etc.  She asked him if he was feeling that way all day at school and he said no, walking up the stairs made him think of his papi.  It broke her heart and mine when she told me.

Yesterday morning was bitter sweet. Jose called before we headed out for school. It was awesome hearing his voice in the morning. I hadn't gone to see him on Sunday because his brother and cousin went to visit him. His voice sounded like home in my ear. I was in tears after we hung up. When I got home from work there was a letter waiting for me from him, it contained a beautiful drawing of a heart and rose.

This is another holiday that not even when we were separated were we apart.  I remember clearly that year, I was living in my brothers house during that time, and when I got home from work there were a dozen red roses in my room. I remember having this enormous smile and thinking "jerk". He was wiggling his way back into my heart....he never really left it, but he didn't know that...or so I thought. We had been separated for four months by then. It was a weird time in our lives, we were separated but together. We were just kidding ourselves...or he was just letting me go through the motions, waiting for me to come home. Now, Cairo and I are the ones waiting for him to come home.  If only it were only up to his will for it to happen.

10 months

It has been 10 months since Jose was ripped out of our lives. Almost a year! Cairo has since grown up some and his little personality has really started to shine. He's become this little man with such a strong personality, I really wish Jose was here to see that. The household responsibilities have, of course, become all mine. From washing dishes, cooking, to mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow. Cairo helps in what ever he can, I'm not sure if it's because he feels a need to help or because he thinks it looks fun and wants to try doing something himself.

Even though it's been almost a year since Jose has set a single foot in this house his absence is just as strongly felt. When we go grocery shopping or when we sit around watching movies on the weekend, he is sorely missed. The emptiness is still there, following us around were ever we go. I've gotten to know his family more now.  I've seen my brother-in-law and his family and my sister-in-law and her family more in the last months than in the 10 years I've been with Jose.  They are great and I love hanging out with them and Cairo is just ecstatic with his cousins and uncles and aunts. No matter how much we see them, no matter how many dinners and outings and movies we watch together and games we play together the hole is still there.

Friday night I had to tell Jose about the monster. He was hurt really bad, he was angry and disappointed. I can't imagine what he must be going through.  It's hard enough to be out here and to feel that disappointment, but we're free. He's locked up with no way to express his emotions, he can't just walk it off or cry into a pillow or hug someone. He's trapped.

Now what? Well, we will be in immigration court tomorrow afternoon.  The judge will want to know what happened with this case from Friday and we will have to tell him that we were denied. Mr. Little B. will do what he can to stall to give Tim time to work and is even planning on challenging the supreme court decision that says probation is a conviction even though state says it's not.  There is also an amendment out there to the Post-Conviction Relief Act that is being supported by many groups, like the CBA.  Mr. Little B and others began this process some time ago and now they are looking for a sponsor for the amendment.  As I described before there are limitations to the Act as it is now. We want an amendment that will allow people to bring forth a petition under the act when ever the find out their rights were violated, as in Joses case.  This doesn't mean that anyone will be able to get their cases vacated.  It means people who believe their rights were violated will be able to at least get their foot in the door to be heard, and if it is found that their rights were violated and their cases are vacated it means the charges *can* be brought back and they might have to fight their case all over again. So it's not an eraser it's a basically a do over for people whose rights have been violated.

The Monster Attacks

Yesterday, I sat in my car waiting to pick up Cairo from school. It had been four days since I'd seen him because I was out of town for work since Monday. I didn't get much sleep the last few nights. Not only was I alone in a hotel all week but we went to court Friday morning in hopes to vacate Joses "conviction", which isn't a conviction under state law but immigration says it is. I envisioned picking up Cairo and being happy to see my changuito and being over whelmingly happy because we were able to vacate the conviction in the morning That's not what played out. I am happy to see my baby but we were not able to vacate the conviction.

I sat in that court room for two hours waiting for Joses name to be called. When they finally did four attorneys stood up. Tim, two attorneys from his firm and Mr. Little B. It all started well, the judge agreed with us and the prosecuting attorney argued gentley. It looked like she was complying with the negotiation she agreed to. I thought we were going to be in the clear and finally Jose would be able to come home. Then all of a sudden the prosecuting attorneys deminor changed, she became animated and began to vigorsly argue. She had realized the judge was in our favor. As our team argued back with valid points she argued irrelevant ones. She became this monster who was refusing to be beat, we would win over her dead body. This went on for quite some time until the judge decided to make his decision. Although he whole heartily agreed with us and wanted to help, our request was DENIED. I was stunned and tears that started to roll when the monster appeared became a steady steam. Jose will not be coming home next week.

Outside the court room Mr. Little B tore into the prosecutor like a lion protecting his pride. I didn't know what was going on since I was talking to Tim but apparently her smug smile and laughing at how she won the case with the other prosecutors made him lose his temper. I spoke with Mr. Little B. later last night, he confirmed what I was seeing from the side lines. It was all about her ego. Because of her ego she threw our agreement out the window. Because of her ego Joses "conviction" was not vacated. Because of her ego Jose is not coming home. What did the state gain from this? Is justice really being served? To who? The cop who arrested Jose? The attorney who told Jose to plead guilty? Or maybe the judge who ordered the probation? Perhaps it's the piece of paper that says probation is not a conviction even though immigration says it is? Because other than that, no one else was involved with the "crime".

Tim seems to think the judge "insinuated" another solution to our problem. He's going to try again within a week or two. I don't know what it involves but to be honest, seeing what happened yesterday has made me lose faith in the justice system and quite frankly in this country. It seems dead set on continuing to torture my family and keeping us apart. It doesn't care that my sons fingers are bleeding because he rips his nails off to deal with the loss of this father. It doesn't care that I haven't slept in almost a year because my husband is locked up some where for something so stupid and minor. It doesn't care that he will forever be barred from coming back to this "wonderful" country. Needless to say, I was happy to see my son again yesterday, but I am completely and utterly devastated on the inside. All I want to do was to hug Jose and sob, but I can't and all I can do is sob silently by myself.

9 months

We just passed the 9 month mark of our family being separated by inhumane immigration laws.  What has happened up until now has at times made us feel hopeful, hopeless and in some instances made us want to just say f**k it.

We are still trying to bring my Gordo home but we are running out of time.  His next immigration court is next week and I just want this to be all over.  I want him to be home, I want our lives to be back to normal.  The affects on Cairo have not diminished even though he is much more vocal and expresses his feelings more.  He needs to be a regular 6 year old that has both his parents at his side.  I just can't wait to see that day come, when I can tell my son that his daddy is finally coming home.

I've come to appreciate Jose so much more during this time.  As I told him in one of my recent letters, it's not because he takes out the garbage or because he helps out around the house or rescues me from spiders.  It's because he's my best friend. He's the one that makes me feel better when I'm down and helps me find a solution to any problem.  He's the one I need now during this time, not only to comfort me but so that we can tackle this situation head on together.

Today the administration announced more immigration policy changes.  Basically immigrants and their families can apply for waivers against the 3-20 year bars many are being faced with.  It's a great start and I really hope this helps out a lot of people I know who are now living in exile because of these ridiculous bars.  What bothers me is that there are so many who are basically ignored when it comes to policy change.  So far none of the policy changes made would help my family and many other families who are facing PERMANENT bars from the country.  Is it too hard to ask ICE and the federal government to at least respect state level laws when it comes to their definition of "conviction"?  They have split up immigrants into good immigrants and bad immigrants.  The problem with this is that their definition of "bad" immigrants aka those who have committed "crimes" is so broad that it is hurting people who are no threat to the community or this country.

None U.S. Citizens aka anyone with or without a valid VISA who have made poor choices in their past are now facing being barred from the country.  I'm not talking about people who have committed murder or rape or any type of violent crime.  I'm talking about people who might have driven a friend to buy a controlled substance or a person who accidentally walked out of a store without paying for one of their items.  Or someone who just made a dumb mistake that landed him in state court.  If they admit to their guilt they state normally gives them a slap on the wrist, but that slap on the wrist is enough for ICE to come looking for them, detain them, deport them and never let them back in the country even if they are married to a U.S. Citizen or have U.S. Citizen children.  Is that really fair?  Is it fair for a person who is married to a U.S. Citizen to be exiled from the country for a moment of poor judgement that was not violent or harmed anyone?  Is it fair to destroy a family over something so minor?  If the state can give that person a slap on the wrist why can't DHS?  I'm not only talking about people who have entered the country un-inspected, I'm talking about people who have student VISAS, vistors VISAS, people who are lawful permanent Residents.  Anyone who is not a U.S. Citizen can find themselves in this situation.

Again, don't get me wrong. I think these policy changes are good and hopefully will help a lot of people.  It's just that there are a lot of people who are left out and no one is really fighting for them.

As an update on the law we, we is too many, Mr. Little B and his committee, are trying to change.. it was voted upon yesterday.  I was invited to be present for the second presentation.  I don't know the results of the vote yet but from the questions and comments I'm guessing they are supporting the change.  At this point I believe they will asking the support of another group in the CBA, which I hope will also be in favor.  Once this has happened they will be looking for a legislative sponsor and there will be full blown petition signing and call your reps type of thing going on.  I'm really hoping this passes, so many people can be helped by this change in IL.