Cairos Birthday

Cairo turned 6 years old last week.  I was a little concerned about how he was going to be feeling not having his dad with him on that day.  My mom and sister-in-law took him out for lunch and we did something small that day at my moms house.  As it turns out as they were out having lunch Cairo did get sad, lowering his head and saying "My papi isn't here".  All my sister-in-law could do was hold him, they went home soon after that.  It broke my heart when she told me.  We can't see the emotion wounds he is carrying but they are definitely there.

Since Jose has been detained I've gotten closer to his family.  For what ever reason Jose did not keep in contact much with his siblings that live in the area but as a result of all this I've gotten closer to them.  I call his sister who recently moved out of state but I've been hanging out with his brother and his family who lives just 20 minutes away.  They offered to have a cook out for Cairos birthday, I couldn't say no.  I wasn't planning on doing something big for his birthday.  My plan was to have a party if Jose was going to be home but if he wasn't then I was going to take Cairo and a couple of his best buds out for a movie, food and ice cream.  Something small with family seemed like a good idea.


This past Saturday my brother, sister-in-law, mom, Cairo and I headed over to my brother-in-laws house.  I decided to make Cairos cake.  It was my first time making a cake for Cairo.  I had already done one for my mom, dad and sister-in-law, but I was really scared of making one for Cairo because...well...it's for Cairo and it had to be perfect!  Any way I made the cake.  It was the first time my family was going to meet my brother-in-law.  It was very nostalgic for every one.  My brother-in-law looks just like Jose, Jose is younger by about 5 years but they look very much alike. They talk the same, their mannerisms, expressions, everything, even the way they laugh and joke are the same.  Over and over you'd hear my mom say "OMG you're just like Jose" or "Jose is the same way".,  It got to the point that I had to apologize for my family comparing them over and over again.  My brother-in-law and his family understood.

It's very bitter sweet seeing Cairo with his Tio.  The first time we had gone to their home I wanted to cry.  It was like looking at an older Jose.  The first thing Cairo said was "you look like my dad.  Why do you look like my dad?".  My brother-in-law burst out laughing and told him because they were brothers.  Similarly when Cairo saw his dad after 3 months he told him "Dad!  I saw your brother and his face is like your face!!  Jose just laughed. Cairo was very excited. They are both very excited with each other. Cairo has another great uncle and my brother-in-law has a little boy to do boy stuff with. He has a daughter and even though she's the apple of his eye he's taking the time to get to know Cairo and do "guy" stuff.  Stuff Cairo would normally be doing with his dad.

Seeing them interact makes me feel like Cairo will have another male role model in his immediate life if Jose will not be allowed to stay us.  Thinking that way makes me feel like I am giving up or betraying Jose in some way.  Cairo needs his dad and no matter how well of a relationship he has with either of his uncles, it will not be the same.  Cairo needs Jose.

Jose didn't call on Cairos birthday. I knew he wouldn't have missed it if could help it.  I'm sure they didn't let him call.  You lose precious calling home privs when you're in the hole.  The last time he had called was Monday night.  When we got home on Saturday night we had a missed call from him.  It was a weird feeling because I felt relieved because the call meant he was still alive but sad because I didn't know when he'd be allowed to call home again.  My worst fear is that something bad happens to him while detained...I know the odds of him being killed there is probably slim but that's what I worry about when I don't hear from him. I worry that something has happened to him, he's sick or God forbid in a fight of some sort.  Luckily he called again on Sunday afternoon.  Cairo answered the phone while I was cutting down the jungle that grew in our yard. He came out yelling "Mom! Mom! My dad called and he said happy birthday to me!!!", then he passed the phone to me and I got to talk to my Gordo for a good 10 minutes, he was ok but still in the hole.  When we hung up I just cried and cried.

In less than two weeks we'll know if Jose will be allowed bond or not.  I'm praying for a miracle.