So now it's been 8 months since Jose has been detained. I don't have any major updates on either case. Our attorney is working on trying to get the state to help us vacate Jose's old case. Meanwhile I've been working with immigrant groups. I was invited to the Chicago Bar Association Human Rights Committee meeting last month to tell our story and what mandatory detention is doing to our family. I think I did an ok job. Everyone looked kinda depressed when I was done.
Jose's next immigration court date is Jan 11. I went to see him yesterday, he had asked not to take Cairo because Cairo gets angry and doesn't talk to him or let me talk to him, so we decided that I'd take him every other week for now. The focus of our conversation this time was planning out what to pack up for Jose if he is deported. He requested I buy him some cloths, shoes and money to take to him that day. It was like I was stabbing myself every time I said "si....si....si". He's right, we have to be prepared for the worst and the worst is that he will be deported and forever be banned from the country. What would happen after that? I don't know. My Aunt is here visiting from Mexico and to be quite honest she's freaking me out. If we were to move to Mexico, our option is Monterrey. That is where all my family is, it's a big city (unlike where Jose is from) and we'd be able to find work...we hope...and the quality of life would not be too dramatic. Of course it will be different, there's no denying that, but the roads are paved, there are grocery stores and schools and we'd have a washer and dryer somewhere.
Cairos anxiety is getting worse. He's started to draw blood from ripping his nails off. I've given him paper to tear and my friend is getting a bunch of anxiety balls for him but the paper is not helping. When ever he's idle, in between choosing what toy to play with or watching TV or in the bathroom, he's there ripping his nails off. I was hoping going to therapy and finally being able to see Jose would slow it down but it hasn't. Cairo is just as angry as he was in the beginning. He actually yelled at Jose the last time we went to see him.
I keep planning out in my head what our options are to live in Mexico. I am not fond of what is going on down there now. My family has quite frankly freaked me out. If we move, we'd be moving to Monterrey. 10 years ago I would have been all gun hoe about moving but now, I must admit, I'm concerned. Jose would stay there with my family. We figure there will be a better opportunity for him to find a job there, in the big city rather than in the dirt road rancho he's from...but then what? I know it's all doable but I'm a planner and a thinker, it sucks because that holds me back sometimes. Will he and I be able to find jobs? Should we try setting up a business? What kind of business? Will we make enough to give Cairo a decent life? What about Cairos school? What about the violence? Is it really that bad? Where would we live? What if we have more kids? How will Cairo deal with the change? How long will it take for us to sell the house and move? I go over these things, over and over again....I compare my job now, where I make a decent living and have benefits, to ...... what?
I'm scared. I'm scared of the unknown and not knowing what direction this is all going.
Jose's next immigration court date is Jan 11. I went to see him yesterday, he had asked not to take Cairo because Cairo gets angry and doesn't talk to him or let me talk to him, so we decided that I'd take him every other week for now. The focus of our conversation this time was planning out what to pack up for Jose if he is deported. He requested I buy him some cloths, shoes and money to take to him that day. It was like I was stabbing myself every time I said "si....si....si". He's right, we have to be prepared for the worst and the worst is that he will be deported and forever be banned from the country. What would happen after that? I don't know. My Aunt is here visiting from Mexico and to be quite honest she's freaking me out. If we were to move to Mexico, our option is Monterrey. That is where all my family is, it's a big city (unlike where Jose is from) and we'd be able to find work...we hope...and the quality of life would not be too dramatic. Of course it will be different, there's no denying that, but the roads are paved, there are grocery stores and schools and we'd have a washer and dryer somewhere.
Cairos anxiety is getting worse. He's started to draw blood from ripping his nails off. I've given him paper to tear and my friend is getting a bunch of anxiety balls for him but the paper is not helping. When ever he's idle, in between choosing what toy to play with or watching TV or in the bathroom, he's there ripping his nails off. I was hoping going to therapy and finally being able to see Jose would slow it down but it hasn't. Cairo is just as angry as he was in the beginning. He actually yelled at Jose the last time we went to see him.
I keep planning out in my head what our options are to live in Mexico. I am not fond of what is going on down there now. My family has quite frankly freaked me out. If we move, we'd be moving to Monterrey. 10 years ago I would have been all gun hoe about moving but now, I must admit, I'm concerned. Jose would stay there with my family. We figure there will be a better opportunity for him to find a job there, in the big city rather than in the dirt road rancho he's from...but then what? I know it's all doable but I'm a planner and a thinker, it sucks because that holds me back sometimes. Will he and I be able to find jobs? Should we try setting up a business? What kind of business? Will we make enough to give Cairo a decent life? What about Cairos school? What about the violence? Is it really that bad? Where would we live? What if we have more kids? How will Cairo deal with the change? How long will it take for us to sell the house and move? I go over these things, over and over again....I compare my job now, where I make a decent living and have benefits, to ...... what?
I'm scared. I'm scared of the unknown and not knowing what direction this is all going.
I know how you feel. The best thing I can say is to try and let a lot of the worries go because it is only going to make you sick, this is how I ended up with my anxiety which of course only made things worse. No matter how much you plan and expect things to go a certain way they most likely will change and that wiil only make the situation worse. I know it is hard thinking about the future if you have to move to mexico, but you do not want to go into it with a bad outlook. The only thing you will have now is to be able to have a positive view, take things one day at a time and just try to make the best out of every situation. I know, easier said than done but changing the way I was thinking is the only way that I got through everything and in the end it was really the only thing I had control over. I am sending prayers your way. Take care.
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