Yesterday marked month number 5. Where we are now really isn't that much better off than where we were last month. We still have Mr. Little B helping us with Jose's immigration case and now we have Mr. L who is working on the rest for Mr. Big B.
When Jose was arrested in was the end of Spring and it was still very chilly outside, cold enough that we needed to keep the heat on in our newly purchased home. It is now chilly once again. Jose has missed Summer, my birthday, Cairo's birthday, my sister-in-laws birthday and all the activities we were supposed to do this summer like camping, block parties and grilling outside. Not a day, event or moment went by where I didn't wish he was there to share it with. I miss him very much and our son misses him so much more than that. Not even a 6 year old child's mind can over come the empty space. Sure he has fun but while he's riding his bike or playing or eating cake or ice cream he remembers and sadly says "I miss my papi". Just this morning on the way to school he asked "Why is it taking so long for papi to come home?" "Will they ever let him go?" "I hope I'm not a grown up when he comes home". It breaks my heart to hear my son so concerned about his father, he wants to be with his dad and there is nothing I can do about it but pray and wait.
Cairo has been in therapy for almost two months now and I will be starting next week. I wasn't planning on seeing anyone, I kept pushing it off thinking "Jose is going to be home soon and it's all going to be better" but as day after day, week after week, month after month goes by I find myself getting weaker and weaker. I hope and pray that he will be home and we can be a family again but I can't see the end of the tunnel and it's killing me on the inside. Even as I write this I have this sinking feeling in my stomach and I'm trying to hold back tears. Some days I feel like I am in denial, this didn't happen he'll walk in the door any minute. Any minute he's going to call me at 1 O'Clock like he always does....then nothing. The door never opens and the phone never rings and it all comes back in a horrible wave of emotion. Every day I read the updates, the articles describing the current immigration changes, trying to read into them to see if there is hope for my Gordo, and there are none. It's so unfair. Jose is not a bad person, he just made mistakes and over came them.
When Jose was arrested in was the end of Spring and it was still very chilly outside, cold enough that we needed to keep the heat on in our newly purchased home. It is now chilly once again. Jose has missed Summer, my birthday, Cairo's birthday, my sister-in-laws birthday and all the activities we were supposed to do this summer like camping, block parties and grilling outside. Not a day, event or moment went by where I didn't wish he was there to share it with. I miss him very much and our son misses him so much more than that. Not even a 6 year old child's mind can over come the empty space. Sure he has fun but while he's riding his bike or playing or eating cake or ice cream he remembers and sadly says "I miss my papi". Just this morning on the way to school he asked "Why is it taking so long for papi to come home?" "Will they ever let him go?" "I hope I'm not a grown up when he comes home". It breaks my heart to hear my son so concerned about his father, he wants to be with his dad and there is nothing I can do about it but pray and wait.
Cairo has been in therapy for almost two months now and I will be starting next week. I wasn't planning on seeing anyone, I kept pushing it off thinking "Jose is going to be home soon and it's all going to be better" but as day after day, week after week, month after month goes by I find myself getting weaker and weaker. I hope and pray that he will be home and we can be a family again but I can't see the end of the tunnel and it's killing me on the inside. Even as I write this I have this sinking feeling in my stomach and I'm trying to hold back tears. Some days I feel like I am in denial, this didn't happen he'll walk in the door any minute. Any minute he's going to call me at 1 O'Clock like he always does....then nothing. The door never opens and the phone never rings and it all comes back in a horrible wave of emotion. Every day I read the updates, the articles describing the current immigration changes, trying to read into them to see if there is hope for my Gordo, and there are none. It's so unfair. Jose is not a bad person, he just made mistakes and over came them.
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