Fix #3

I stayed home from work today.  My body is aching.  When we bought our house back in March we were told we had to fix three things:

1. Add a monoxide detector on the main level
2. Add a smoke detector in the basement
3. Fix the cracked cement in the back

I've asked for extension after extension in hopes that Jose would be home to do the cement stuff.  It's almost 6 months later and he's still not here.  Fall is here and winter is on it's way and I've run out of extensions. So in true America fashion I waited until the last day to do fix #3.  I picked up my dad yesterday after work and in the middle of high winds and threatening rain he and I patched up the cement out back.  It took about an hour or so to do.  I did most of it and he directed.  Poor Papa is getting on with the years and he was tired just by looking at the project.  Mixing that cement has given me a new found respect for masons and laborers.  Jose was a laborer for several years and I've seen him work at my dads house.  He made it seem so easy.  He'd mix the cement like it was cake batter and put where it needed to be as if it weighed nothing.  He's going to get a kick at seeing the mess I made but at least it's done and I can get the town off my B-hind.   Lord knows if he were here it would have been done a long time ago and it would be prettier too.

I'm running out of attorneys

So remember I had mentioned Mr. L would be taking over for Mr. B?  He originally said he would take care of Joses old case for $2,000 then charge $1,500 to take care of the lingering charge against him.  I said ok and gave him $1,000, of loaned money, to get him started.  He went into court on Monday and we were denied our request. We started on plan B which is to file a motion to reconsider the judges denial.  I spoke to him about this and he tells me that it will cost another $1000 to do this motion to reconsider.  In my mind this whole thing, going to court on Monday, filing the reconsider stuff, all falls under trying to vacate the case....right?  Well NO, these are all little steps that lead up to getting the case vacated and he wants 1K for ever step.  When we talked about this I told him I don't have a lot of money and that I need for him to work with me to take care of this (I mean I can pay him but not a grand at a time!!) , he says he has other clients and is not going to work on a case if he's not going to get paid and would rather spend time with his family.  I was stunned.

I am pissed and I am scared.  I am doing this all on my own and I feel like I am in a losing battle.   It is no wonder that people with money can do what they want, they can afford to hire attorneys who do what ever they want as long as they get paid and it's the people like Jose and myself who get screwed because although we are humble and no threat to anyone we have no money to freely give to attorneys and so we are S.O.L.  I don't know what to do.  I've already spent $1,000 on this guy but he's not interested in helping me or Jose, he doesn't believe in our case, his heart is not in it and he's going to nickel and dime all the way to the poor house.

What do I do NOW?

He's out of solitary!!

I got a call at work from my mom yesterday.  She said Jose called saying he was released from solitary.  He had spent over a month in solitary for no real reason.  I felt relieved because now he can call home more often and his patience will not run out as long as he keeps busy.   He called home last night and it felt good to hear his voice.  Now we wait, again, to see what happens with his other case.   In a little over a week we'll have some sort of news again, this time I will be present in court.  I'm praying for a miracle.

Every night the images of seeing him released fill my mind.  From the drive to the detention center to walking into our home that he barely knows.  I see myself hugging him and I feel all the sad and depressing emotions of the months past change into joy and happiness.  The awesome feeling of telling Cairo that I will be bringing back his dad and being there after school knowing that Jose will be home waiting for him.  The look on Cairos face when he sees Jose for the first time and runs into his arms.  The tears running down Jose's face from being able to hold his son after months and months of being away. All of that comes to my mind every night.  The images of our family being together again and happy.

I promised my son that I would everything I could to bring his dad back.  I pray that I do not let him down.

5 Months

Yesterday marked month number 5.  Where we are now really isn't that much better off than where we were last month.  We still have Mr. Little B helping us with Jose's immigration case and now we have Mr. L who is working on the rest for Mr. Big B.

When Jose was arrested in was the end of Spring and it was still very chilly outside, cold enough that we needed to keep the heat on in our newly purchased home. It is now chilly once again.  Jose has missed Summer, my birthday, Cairo's birthday, my sister-in-laws birthday and all the activities we were supposed to do this summer like camping, block parties and grilling outside.  Not a day, event or moment went by where I didn't wish he was there to share it with.  I miss him very much and our son misses him so much more than that.  Not even a 6 year old child's mind can over come the empty space.  Sure he has fun but while he's riding his bike or playing or eating cake or ice cream he remembers and sadly says "I miss my papi".  Just this morning on the way to school he asked "Why is it taking so long for papi to come home?" "Will they ever let him go?"  "I hope I'm not a grown up when he comes home".  It breaks my heart to hear my son so concerned about his father, he wants to be with his dad and there is nothing I can do about it but pray and wait.

Cairo has been in therapy for almost two months now and I will be starting next week.  I wasn't planning on seeing anyone, I kept pushing it off thinking "Jose is going to be home soon and it's all going to be better" but as day after day, week after week, month after month goes by I find myself getting weaker and weaker.  I hope and pray that he will be home and we can be a family again but I can't see the end of the tunnel and it's killing me on the inside.  Even as I write this I have this sinking feeling in my stomach and I'm trying to hold back tears.  Some days I feel like I am in denial, this didn't happen he'll walk in the door any minute.  Any minute he's going to call me at 1 O'Clock like he always does....then nothing.  The door never opens and the phone never rings and it all comes back in a horrible wave of emotion.  Every day I read the updates, the articles describing the current immigration changes, trying to read into them to see if there is hope for my Gordo, and there are none.  It's so unfair.  Jose is not a bad person, he just made mistakes and over came them. 

The bicycle guy

Last night I got a text from my sister-in-law that read:

"I think we saved a guy from going to jail. The cops were making him read a paper that said I understand....And he clearly did not understand what they were telling him."

I called her this morning and she explained the following.

She and my brother had walked to a local store to buy some stuff they needed.  On the way back they saw 6 cops with a man (who happened to be Latino).  The man was on a bicycle and had what looked like a grocery bag.  They were asking him to read something on a card that started with "I understand...".  It was obvious that the guy had no idea was going on or what he was reading, he was butchering every word.  So my sister-in-law asked the officers if she could translate for them.  They said no, they were ok.  So my sister-in-law and my brother stayed and watched them.  After a while they told the guy to just go, and he left.

Now, I may be a little slow but you would think that if they had a reason to stop him, while on his bicycle mind you, they wouldn't have let him go.  I mean if someone reported he had shoplifted or was trying to get into parked cars or was vandalizing, they wouldn't have let him go.  This leads me to think that they probably had no real reason to stop him and were trying to force him to say he understood what was going on and then were going to arrest him.  They have Latino cops that speak Spanish, one couldn't be called in to translate? I mean they had 6 cops there already what's one more??

To me it seemed like they stopped him because they suspected he was undocumented.  It is very disappointing to see this happen.  Who do you report that to?  Is the chief telling them to do such a thing?  How many people has this been done to already?  If my sister-in-law and brother were not there watching them, what would have happened to that guy? The guy, for all I know, was probably a U.S. Resident, but maybe he wasn't.  Why are cops telling people to read off a card like that?

Cairos Birthday

Cairo turned 6 years old last week.  I was a little concerned about how he was going to be feeling not having his dad with him on that day.  My mom and sister-in-law took him out for lunch and we did something small that day at my moms house.  As it turns out as they were out having lunch Cairo did get sad, lowering his head and saying "My papi isn't here".  All my sister-in-law could do was hold him, they went home soon after that.  It broke my heart when she told me.  We can't see the emotion wounds he is carrying but they are definitely there.

Since Jose has been detained I've gotten closer to his family.  For what ever reason Jose did not keep in contact much with his siblings that live in the area but as a result of all this I've gotten closer to them.  I call his sister who recently moved out of state but I've been hanging out with his brother and his family who lives just 20 minutes away.  They offered to have a cook out for Cairos birthday, I couldn't say no.  I wasn't planning on doing something big for his birthday.  My plan was to have a party if Jose was going to be home but if he wasn't then I was going to take Cairo and a couple of his best buds out for a movie, food and ice cream.  Something small with family seemed like a good idea.


This past Saturday my brother, sister-in-law, mom, Cairo and I headed over to my brother-in-laws house.  I decided to make Cairos cake.  It was my first time making a cake for Cairo.  I had already done one for my mom, dad and sister-in-law, but I was really scared of making one for Cairo because...well...it's for Cairo and it had to be perfect!  Any way I made the cake.  It was the first time my family was going to meet my brother-in-law.  It was very nostalgic for every one.  My brother-in-law looks just like Jose, Jose is younger by about 5 years but they look very much alike. They talk the same, their mannerisms, expressions, everything, even the way they laugh and joke are the same.  Over and over you'd hear my mom say "OMG you're just like Jose" or "Jose is the same way".,  It got to the point that I had to apologize for my family comparing them over and over again.  My brother-in-law and his family understood.

It's very bitter sweet seeing Cairo with his Tio.  The first time we had gone to their home I wanted to cry.  It was like looking at an older Jose.  The first thing Cairo said was "you look like my dad.  Why do you look like my dad?".  My brother-in-law burst out laughing and told him because they were brothers.  Similarly when Cairo saw his dad after 3 months he told him "Dad!  I saw your brother and his face is like your face!!  Jose just laughed. Cairo was very excited. They are both very excited with each other. Cairo has another great uncle and my brother-in-law has a little boy to do boy stuff with. He has a daughter and even though she's the apple of his eye he's taking the time to get to know Cairo and do "guy" stuff.  Stuff Cairo would normally be doing with his dad.

Seeing them interact makes me feel like Cairo will have another male role model in his immediate life if Jose will not be allowed to stay us.  Thinking that way makes me feel like I am giving up or betraying Jose in some way.  Cairo needs his dad and no matter how well of a relationship he has with either of his uncles, it will not be the same.  Cairo needs Jose.

Jose didn't call on Cairos birthday. I knew he wouldn't have missed it if could help it.  I'm sure they didn't let him call.  You lose precious calling home privs when you're in the hole.  The last time he had called was Monday night.  When we got home on Saturday night we had a missed call from him.  It was a weird feeling because I felt relieved because the call meant he was still alive but sad because I didn't know when he'd be allowed to call home again.  My worst fear is that something bad happens to him while detained...I know the odds of him being killed there is probably slim but that's what I worry about when I don't hear from him. I worry that something has happened to him, he's sick or God forbid in a fight of some sort.  Luckily he called again on Sunday afternoon.  Cairo answered the phone while I was cutting down the jungle that grew in our yard. He came out yelling "Mom! Mom! My dad called and he said happy birthday to me!!!", then he passed the phone to me and I got to talk to my Gordo for a good 10 minutes, he was ok but still in the hole.  When we hung up I just cried and cried.

In less than two weeks we'll know if Jose will be allowed bond or not.  I'm praying for a miracle. 

Tweeting the devil and the Wasilewski family

I was able to attend todays immigration vigil downtown.  Every Friday a group of people gather at the downtown court house and pray for the families affected by current immigration laws.  Immigrants are deported from the building some during the day on Fridays.  Mr. Little B has a solid attendance rate, I've only been able to go a couple times because of morning issues, like actually getting up early enough to make it there on time and getting Cairo out of bed.

I made it a point to go today because I knew the Wasilewski family was going to be there. I got my butt up and got to the blue line in time to get there. The Wasilewski family was there, it brought me to tears to see them. When everything was done I walked over to Janina and welcomed her back.  She gave me a big hug and I told her that I am very happy they were together again and she had a beautiful family.  She asked me what my story was and I explained, of course I started to tear up and she gave me a big hug.  She gave me hope with her words.  I will keep her in my thoughts and I am very grateful I got to meet them.  Brian is very cute, he reminded me of Cairo, I wanted to squeeze him but I restrained myself because well you know he's 10 and I didn't want to freak him out.

I talked to Mr. Little B before he left.  Jose did not call yesterday, I don't think he was allowed and I really don't think he would have missed calling Cairo on his birthday.  So I'm sure Jose was not allowed to call home, he's still in the hole.  He said to document everything, it's our only way of fighting back in the end.  During the vigil Mr. Little B suggested as every one does, to contact our local reps and senators about CIR, "Silence is acceptance".  Email, send letters and/or tweet every day, he said.  So I am taking it upon myself to tweet as many times as I remember....like just now....to tweet:  

We need #CIR,  stop #deportations! @RepMikeQuigley @SenatorDurbin @SenatorReid @SenatorSanders @Kirk4senate @LamarSmithTX21 #immigration

As you can see I've included Mr. Lamar Smith.  I invite you to do the same.  BTW you will have to change your tweet slightly if you want to keep retweeting it.  I just discovered that as I just.....retweeted it.